What Losing My Best Friend Taught Me

She didn't die; She didn't have to. My connection to her was lost that day she didn't say goodbye. I still cry when I think of her, and hope that she thinks of me sometimes, too. Our friendship taught me several things about life, myself, and building relationships with people.

I learned that life is unfair; life gives, and it takes. I learned that I'm stronger than I thought. I learned that people come and go, and it just must be okay. You must make it through the pain of losing a loved one because no one can do it for you. It's going to hurt, but your friendship did mean something. You need to believe that there was a bigger purpose for your connection.

Grief is a process that includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. My grief took over a year to progress through the stages, and maybe it still is. We did everything together, and she meant everything to me. I loved her in a way that could have been stronger than my relationships with men. She was my soulmate, in a platonic way. Maybe we will meet again someday.

Denial

This isn't happening. There must be an explanation for her disappearance. She isn't answering my calls because she's busy. Maybe something happened to her. What if she's in the hospital? Did she get sent to jail? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Denial taught me that I have a difficult time accepting events in my life. When things hurt me, I try and pretend like it never happened.

Anger

How dare she leave me like that? How could she? Didn't she love me? I thought I was more important to her. I was so angry at the time. I blamed everyone in her life for her ghosting me. What a terrible person she must be to leave me like this. She knew how much she meant to me. Being angry taught me that it doesn't help anything. Being mad doesn't solve why she's gone, and it doesn't bring her back.

Bargaining

Maybe if I tried harder, she would still be in my life. If we worked together, we could mend our ties. Bargaining taught me that life is full of what ifs and I relied on them. I needed to think about the ifs. They gave me hope, and even though it was false hope, I felt better at the time.

Depression

Depression taught me that it's okay to be sad. There is no shame in being hurt or crying. Life can be very painful. Losing her left me in tears for months and I thought I would be sad forever. Getting through this stage taught me how powerful thoughts can be. Thinking negatively about the situation wouldn't bring her back to me. I needed to be positive and look forward to a brighter future.

Acceptance

Acceptance taught me that you can live through the pain. You can get through the things that you thought were impossible. I never imagined losing my best friend. I never thought she'd move on like she did, but I managed. I am managing. I have new friends; you always get new friends. People can't be replaced, but the hole in your heart can be filled. You can heal, and you can continue to live your life without someone.

Now...

I still hurt because of her. I'll see her on social media and I'll tear up a bit. I think about her so much and still talk about her to my other friends. She’s gone but still relevant. An old friend’s spirit will still linger in your heart and create lasting memories. It does get better, though, I promise. Everything gets better with time.