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What Love Is like After an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Yes, you CAN love again.

By Madison ZygadloPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Credit: Unsplash

Emotional abuse is never something you think that you'll be a victim of. You think that you will "know the signs" and "never will deal with that" until you are in a romantic relationship with someone who is. You don't take those red flags as bad; he's just "caring" and "protective of his own." He's not. It's abuse that affects you mentally and physically. Unfortunately, this is extremely common, and when you are in it, you don't realize what is going on.

I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I could marry someday. I knew I was strong, hard headed, and never would take that from any man. Then I fell in love.

Before the daily fighting ensued, I took his comments about me talking to other males (who are my friends and nothing more) as him caring, not being controlling. I thought when he told me to never get on medication for my anxiety because it "makes you insane," he was protecting me. I had my blinders on and never thought twice about it. It wasn't until a fateful phone call of him calling me every derogatory term under the sun that I had enough. Also, I understood why he was so paranoid about me cheating (never have and never would)—he was cheating on me with his friend, whom I had met and helped move out of her dorm with. I had realized, once I ended it, that I was not myself. I had no self-confidence and couldn't face myself in the bathroom sink. How could I let this happen? How could I not know the signs? Why would he do this to me? How could someone I thought loved me do this? You cannot blame yourself. It's so painful, but getting help or even talking to someone about it really helps. The best thing I did was going to see my therapist weekly instead of monthly, and she helped me tremendously (Sher, couldn't have done it without ya). I learned self-love and practiced it daily. It took a lot of time, but I finally made progress.

Loving after an abusive relationship is really hard. The thought of "putting myself back out there" made me want to throw up. How could I let someone back into my life like that? How can I trust them? How do I know they aren't going to hurt me? It's normal to ask yourself these questions because now your heart is guarded. Doing certain practices with my therapist made me realize that one bad seed should not poison the whole tree. What he did to me was evil, but I can't let him destroy any relationship I have after. You cannot blame someone else for their actions. Not all of them will hurt you like that, but you just have to take the time to realize that on your own. I did, and I'm so glad I listened. My therapist suggested that I try going out on a date with someone new.

I did what she suggested. This guy had messaged me on Facebook, whom I met at college. Perfect timing, right? I remembered him and responded back. I didn't really think much of it, I just thought he was a cool dude who I could vibe with. He had asked me out to lunch, and we met up the next day. We talked about ourselves, what we are in school for, what we do for work—typical first date things. I could see in his eyes that he was genuinely interested in what I had to say, and it had hit me. They really all aren't the same.

We went out on a couple of more dates, and I really wanted to give him a chance. I just knew in my soul that he was a good one, not someone I needed to fix.

The same guy is now my boyfriend, and we have been together for a little while, and I am incredibly happy. He treats me with respect, understands my anxieties, and makes me want to be a better person. He comes from a wonderful family, and we share the same dreams. I cannot be more fortunate for him coming into my life.

If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, or any form of abuse, please know that there are others who have been there, too. You aren't alone, worthless, or not worthy of loving. You are a beautiful person who deserves someone who wants to love you and be with you, and only you. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Take time to recover, and practice self-love. You are worthy, you are lovable. Be vocal, and do not be afraid to leave if you aren't comfortable. It is something you can overcome, and the right person will be willing to help you with open arms.

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About the Creator

Madison Zygadlo

Just getting through with my two kitties and a dog named Miller.

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