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What Makes a Great Relationship?

Work or compatibility?

Relationships are not easy. There are some things that must always be present and active in any relationship. These things usually include communication, common interests, physical attraction, intimacy, chemistry, love, and the list can go on. However, there may be a lack of those things during the early stage of the relationship and couples would have to learn valuable lessons about themselves, each other and even life itself in order to make the necessary changes for the relationship to stay alive. In the meantime, there are some relationships where couples are naturally a good fit for each other. Now, that’s not to say those relationships are perfect. Every relationship will have its sets of ups and downs and the way the couples get through those times determines whether or not the relationship will last. Now before we continue, we have to ask ourselves, what makes for a great relationship? Is it the work you put into it or how compatible two people are?

A lot of people will say that “What doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger.” Couples who have been some of the toughest and cruel obstacles that life has thrown their way, usually come out on the other side stronger and are thankful that they had each other’s back. No matter what they faced together, they remained loyal to each other. These are the individuals who not only learn about their partner and but they also learned a lot about themselves and life also. 

However, what does this say about these people, anyway? These are the individuals who were somewhat inexperienced and even naïve at the beginning of the relationship. These people sometimes will make careless mistakes and unless they’re fast learners, the growth process can take a long time, and can also be extremely exhausting to one or both partners. Just the amount of energy that one must put into fixing an issue can feel like trying to move a mountain. 

When you have a partner who is so stubborn, always defensive, with emotional baggage, or just doesn’t always have the same viewpoints as you, making this relationship last can become a full-time job. Usually, after so many months or even years of trying to keep the relationship alive, someone if not both parties usually give up. The pain and the damage in learning valuable lessons about love and life usually take a toll on the person. 

Now, since everyone’s endurance and tolerance limits are at different levels, some people can endure a lot of pain and stress in the hope that someday things will change and their partner will somehow transform into the ideal lover and soulmate they feel that they deserve. The issue with this idea is that while you’re working on helping someone evolve into your “perfect” partner, time isn’t standing still. All that time you spent working on the relationship while dealing with emotional stress and taking both mental and/or physical damages could have turned into a fun, loving, long-lasting memories that you could share with your friends, family, or children had you had a compatible and understanding partner. For some people, the journey is more important than the destination. 

As long they have faith that the relationship will be better in the future, the tough times are only hurdles that are needed to strengthen their relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, these people would suffer so much since there is so much about the relationship that is new to them. Over time they will learn the lessons that are needed to make the relationship work. However, not everyone has the patience of a saint to stay in a relationship that is causing them so much pain when they should not have to deal with that level of stress.

Another type of relationship that requires lots of work is one where two people are the polar opposite of each other. There’s that old saying that goes “opposites attract.” First of all, I feel like opposites balance out each other. That’s what makes them the perfect match. Most people think that if someone is the polar opposite of them that would make them the perfect match and that usually backfire on them. The thing that people need to understand is that the differences between themselves and their partners can complement thus enhancing the relationship or create conflicts between them. Two different people can be in an energy draining relationship when one person’s way doesn’t match the other person’s characteristics. 

Say you have someone who loves listening to loud music in the comfort of her home. Well, this person may not be a good match for someone who loves the peace and quiet atmosphere in theirs. One wants the neighbors to think they’re having a wild party while the other just wants to feel secluded at peace without the neighbors knowing that they’re even at home. However, take two individuals who have a love for different genres of music and they may get along just right as they can introduce each other to each other’s favorite genre and they can both appreciate each other’s music. Opposite doesn’t always mean different. It just means two halves coming together to make a whole unit.

While some people work to gain their dream relationship with the partner they believe that they deserve, some couples meet each other and it’s almost as if they met another version of themselves. People who are like-minded usually don’t argue as much as others nor do they allow external sources to bring trouble in their relationship. These people usually don’t put a lot of work into the relationship unless they’re being tested. In which case they will both face any obstacle as if they were one unit. They think, act and even feel the same way about most things in life. Problems from external sources have a very weak impact on those couples. Since they’re so much alike, one person tends to treat a problem the same way the other would. 

The only real issue they may difficulties with is internal conflicts. When two people are much alike, stalemates can occur pretty often. If at any time a disagreement comes to the surface, this couple may find themselves at a tough crossroad. As both people would have the same reaction but they may be defending two different causes. It would take one or both people to truly put their ego aside and try to work with their partner as true teammates should to resolve their issues. At the beginning of the relationship, these couples would have lots of fun and good times until they are a few years into it. As they get to know each other on a much deeper level, they will then have to learn to make certain adjustments to deal with life’s obstacles.

So by now, we’ve all learned is that all relationships have a time where couples have to deal with tough moments. Always expect the rollercoaster to have its highs and lows. With that in mind, when you meet someone you find attractive, charismatic, and you want to explore the possibilities of what could come from a first meeting, think about the kind of relationship you two may have. Will you two be so different that it will take work, energy, and time for you two to become the couple you want to be for each other or will you luckily be so compatible that it will seem as if you just met your twin flame and you both were meant to be together? If you’re already in a relationship, you need to decide if the work you’re putting into it is worth it. 

Thanks to the many matchmaking apps and websites today finding someone who is compatible with you isn’t really a difficult mission like it was decades ago. Of course, anybody can create fake profiles, add false information, and lie about who they are online. However, this is where building up a good friendship, and going through the learning process of knowing each other at the beginning of the relationship becomes so important. As much as you would like to jump right into it, take some time to get to know the person and see how well compatible you both are before making a decision to be committed to one another.

Read next: Loyalty
Spencer Jean-Mary
Spencer Jean-Mary

I'm a Caribbean native who love traveling, outdoor activities, movies, music, good food, and meeting new friends. I also love doing research on subjects such as Technology, Literature, Social Media, History, Finance, and Relationships.

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What Makes a Great Relationship?
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Loyalty