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What Not to Do When You Fall in Love

Ups and Downs

By Tom CookePublished 5 years ago 7 min read
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For months and months after I split up with my ex, my head wasn’t in the right place. I felt like I was shutting myself off to people and I felt like I wasn’t worthy of anyones time. I then realised her instagram (we'll call her Luna) and I looked through her profile and I was amazed to say the least. I had never ever seen such an incredible person in all my life, and I saw it as a potential opportunity to make myself very very happy. I bottled messaging her because I had such a fear that she’d reject me and I couldn’t deal with that. So I finally thought fuck it, what have I got to lose? I was spending hours and hours trying to figure out what I should say, like I didn’t want to say hey because thats so generic and creepy it’d probably just get ignored. So I eventually came to the conclusion of sending an even creepier message to her. To my amazement, she replied to me and she gave me her snapchat details. From the first conversation we had, I knew that I had to pursue it. She was too good looking and she was too easy to talk to to get rid of.

So, me being me, I decided to obsess myself with her. Probably a bad idea that early on, but I did anyway. I very quickly got very interested in her because she had so much to tell me and she had so much interest in what I was doing, I have never had that before. When she was in Switzerland, I longed for the FaceTime calls and I yearned for the day when she was home so I could finally meet the thing that had dragged me out of a dark place face to face.

And then it happened.

Out of the blue, I got a message from her saying “babe guess what”, I reply with “what," and she says the three magic words that made me feel over the moon; “I’m home tomorrow." This is my chance! This is where I put into practice all of my messages and show her who I am!

So, a few days after she’s home, I go and see her. I'm bricking it all the way there. As soon as I go down her road, I see her. She was wearing some dodgy clothes but I have never been so in awe in my life. I have never been so in love. I knew, as soon as I got out of my car, that I want to spend a very large portion of my life with her. And so thats what I tried to do. We got into a relationship and it was the happiest time of my life.

Obviously, we had our arguments and we had our disagreements and I believe that is a fundamental stage for all fairly new relationships because we are still figuring how each other work and how we both get angry. But then one day, I fucked it. She posted a story up of a guy I didn’t like and called him a blessing. I overreacted, as I always used to do, and I’ve ruined it. I’ve somehow managed to completely fuck up the thing I had worked so hard for and been so happy with. The conversation we had face to face was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, hearing all of her emotions flood out and hearing how I hadn’t done my job. I was in bits for the rest of the day, when I saw my friends I tried my hardest not to burst into tears but all I could think about was how I had lost my only love.

The next morning was the worst.

I woke up, after a civil conversation with her, and I explained my emotions and how much I wanted another chance to do it right this time. I got nothing back, she was standing her ground and she was being strong. Me being the selfish man I am, I begged her and begged her, crying my eyes out whilst doing so, and at the end I just couldn’t take it. The constant negative thoughts running around my head, the constant self doubt, the constant thought of ruining the only good thing in my life. I had had enough of being such a failure and having such a negative impact on people's lives.

That was an incredibly dark place I never, ever want to go back to.

But then one conversation changed everything. It felt like I had my Luna back, it felt like there was hope for us and our future. I was sat outside a dominos, stuffing my face with pizza, talking to the love of my life about our future. Our family. Our house. The prospect of having the happiest life we could imagine. All of these plans and all of this hopeful conversation completely swung my mind. I went from being in the worst mental state I have ever been in, to being happy, even cheerful. One word that she said which made me break down into floods of happy tears (theres been a lot of crying bear with me); Sometimes. Sometimes. The one word that me and Luna associated with "forever." I feel like I’ve got her back.

I feel like I can be happy again and I know that I will stop at nothing to make her happy in return. I’ve got this precious opportunity and I will not waste it. I will stop being so controlling and selfish, I'll let her live her life and I'll be there to support her and the decisions she makes. I’ll be there to celebrate her successes, new jobs and qualifications, and I’ll be there to console her lower points. I’ll never stop being in love with that girl, and I believe that love should be nurtured and cherished in order for it to grow and flourish, and thats just what I’ll do. I cannot wait to come home, after work, walk in through the door to our house and see Luna and our child asleep on the sofa watching a movie.

When that time comes, I will step up to the plate. I’ll provide for my family, and I will guard them with my life. I will make sure that my child and my wife have the best life they could possibly have and I will give up anything to see smiles on their faces.

So, with these positive and happy thoughts in my mind, I went about my life with a smile on my face.

Until somehow, for some reason, I fucked it again. I was at work, doing the job I hate, speaking to Luna like we always used to. Laughing and joking and enjoying each other's time. Until the topic of friends with benefits came up. Obviously, because I was so in love with this girl, this hurt me a lot. Was it all lies? Did she only say those things about a future just to pacify me and shut me up? Who knows.

All I know is, when you're in love, you become selfish. You obsess yourself. You take every word that is said to your heart, and that isn't healthy. Of course, you've got a bias towards your partner, but nothing they do will ever make you fall out of love. Love requires an open mind, it requires commitment and it requires tolerance. A lot of tolerance.

If you genuinely feel like the person you're in love with is worth chasing, then why not. Why cut something off that makes you happy? In my honest opinion, life is too short to be unhappy, so if you find someone that makes you laugh and puts a smile on your face, cherish it. Protect it, because one day it could all turn upside down. Love is a dangerous game.

Play it well.

love
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About the Creator

Tom Cooke

Okay so recently I've been through events which I'd like to tell people about, so, here you go! Any feedback or comments I'd love to hear them. Enjoy x

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