Just like almost every other googly-eyed girl out there, I think the world of my boyfriend. He's smart (book-smart that is...his lack of common sense is what makes me laugh the most in our relationship), he's super motivated, he's adorable, and I even love his natural smell more than any cologne that has ever existed. But most of all, he's obsessed with me (in a good way) and that's what keeps me around. He always tells me he loves me, tells me that all of my stupid, little quirks are cute, tells me that I look so much better without make up and that I should wear my glasses more often because he thinks they're adorable.
But...something's off. Something in my gut is telling me maybe he's not the one. And I can't figure out what that "something" is, which makes it impossible to try to explain to him. I've tried. I tried to tell him that I feel like I could be happier and that I just am not completely sure about us. His response was, "Well you love me, right? And I love you, so why would you want to break up with me? I will work on making you happier," blah blah blah, etc. etc. Yes we love each other, but what does love have to do with it? What he doesn't understand is that there is much more to a relationship than the love between two people. He doesn't realize that I loved my ex's too, but there were other parts to the relationships that were missing, like respect or trust. With him, something is missing, I just can't figure out what.
I've gotten to the point where I don't believe his empty promises anymore because I've heard them so many times. He's messed up. A lot. And as I said before, it's how much he loves and obsesses over me (again, in a good way) that makes me stick around. And that's also what causes him to tell me that he will fix the issue and it won't happen again. But then it does happen again. And again a week later. Same shit, different day.
Don't get me wrong, he's improved over the 9 months of our relationship. But at this point, I've realized that maybe I'm asking him to change too much. I feel like I'm trying to make him become a completely different person, which is not fair to him, and probably way too much to ask of one person. He's willing to change for me which I am so grateful for, but I believe that 1. It's hard to change a person in the first place, and 2. people are only capable of so much change. I think I've maybe hit his maximum capacity for change. I've hit a plateau and I don't know where to go from here. I tried so hard because I wanted so badly for him to be my person. But 9 months of trying to change a person is a long time, and there's gotta be a point where this vicious cycle ends.
I know he's going to fight so hard for me to stay, and use anything he can to convince me to stay. I just have to make sure I stay strong. I have to try to explain to him that there's nothing in his power that he can do to change my mind, because it's not him. It's me.