What's On Your Mind?

This is a question we all know almost too well. Facebook asks me every time I open it up, and, every now and then, from a friend when the conversation grows dull. I find myself asking this to friends or family, because of a look or expression their faces.

The only thing is, we never answer truthfully.

I wouldn’t tell you that I am unable to find a job, or that my lease on my house is expiring soon, leaving me with nowhere to live. No, I would never tell you that, I would simply just say, I am fine.

We often don’t tell people what is going on with us, because we are scared they will think we are crazy, or stupid for thinking the way we think. So, in order to save our feelings, we say the phrase, “I am fine,” when in reality we are not.

We keep everything in until the last second, and, sometimes, even the last second is too late.

We hide our feelings, put a smile on our face, and go on through life as if nothing stresses us out. At least that's what they tell us to do. “Don’t let anyone know you are sad, it shows them weakness.” But hiding that sadness can be difficult sometimes, if not most times, and way too often we feel alone, when that really is not the case.

I found that holding everything in was weighing me down. I didn’t want to spend time with anyone, or do anything, my spirit was fading into a dark cloud of depression. I pushed everyone away, because I was angry that they didn’t understand me, when in reality I wasn’t letting them in.

So I started to be more be more vocal. At first it was yelling with a mixture of sobbing, then sobbing, then just yelling. I had held it in so long, that by the time I was ready to let it out, it came out loud. Everything boiling in me, just bursting out, as much of it that could possibly come out.

But the feeling of relaxation from finally vocalizing my stresses and worries, was amazing. The sleepless nights gone, the fake smiling, gone. Everything that was preventing me from being happy was gone.

Yes, yelling is not the right choice, and way too often it led into more arguments with family, and in my relationships, but they finally understood why I was acting the way I was. They were accepting, after the yelling of course, and they were there to support me through everything I was going through.

In fact I was never really alone.

Our mind often plays tricks on us, because, well some of us, meaning me, overthink more than we should. But if we slowed down, breathed, and trusted a little, we'd know that certain people actually do care about our well being. We might actually be able to tell them what is on our mind.