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What's the Next Step...

I learned a lot over the years.

By Renee .Published 6 years ago 3 min read
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I've never really been in healthy relationships because I was scared of being with someone and having them hurt me emotionally…

Since high school I've always been that type to want to be in a relationship but no one took me serious, ever. The guys that I've been with always just wanted sex and to just use me. I learned a lot over the years. I always wondered if I was too ugly to be with someone yet alone have them want to be with me. Growing up I always fantasized about finding the love of my life one day and just grow with them and be happy. I feel like I was never able to trust someone because I think it was just me maybe not trusting them because every other guy I was with always gave me the benefit of the doubt. For years, I had my guard up with the guys I hooked up with because I knew what their intentions were and I always ended up pushing them away not giving them a chance. I let myself get hurt sometimes. I want a long lasting relationship.. That's it.

All I want in a relationship is someone that is going to be there for me, wanting to make things work, grow together, to never give up on me even when things are bad and to just love me for who I am. I don't want someone to take care of me cause I can perfectly take care of myself without someone in my life. I'm an independent young woman that can take care of herself without a man in my life. I grew up without a dad and my mom played both roles and she taught me to never depend on a man cause they'll think you're weak and vulnerable.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't know if I want something serious with the guy I'm seeing. I've just been thinking a lot about my future and I don't know if want to be stuck because I feel stuck in my life right now. Me and the guy I'm seeing aren't even an item, he sees me as an acquaintance and I see him as my boyfriend that I want to be with. I live with him and he sees me as just an acquaintance and as friend with benefits. I do so much for him that anyone would do in a relationship, I cook, clean, and take care of him while he does nothing for me. He can't even kiss me once in awhile nor get me some roses to show how much he appreciates me. Like sometimes I want to call it quits and just leave but I'm not a heart breaker. I don't do that. I would never want to hurt someone because I've been hurt so many times that I would never want to hurt someone. I just want to love someone that actually loves me back. I want to be loved.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my feelings, my health, and my life. I want to be happy with everything that goes on in my life. Like I'm not happy with my jobs, I want to be stable and not have to stress about stuff. My “boyfriend” takes care of me and I don't ask him to he just does, he is really supportive of me and motivates me to do better. He always comes first before anybody else and I care about him a lot that I would do anything for him. I just wish he wasn't so difficult to deal with sometimes.

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About the Creator

Renee .

expressing myself

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