What's Your Deal?

Pulling herself off the black leather sofa to greet the man walking through her front door, Beth was a nervous wreck. Being clumsy was taking its toll and becoming an inconvenience as she unfolded herself and tried to find composure, only to falter at the sight of him. The most attractive man she had ever seen; Jae. He was only a few inches taller than her height of 5 feet 4 inches, which she was surprised to learn that she loved. Trying not to meet his gaze, she found her way over to him with absolutely no grace or poise whatsoever.

"You want to go get high?" Jae asked, throwing Beth even farther off guard.

"Oh, uh...sure." Was all she could muster for a response, cunning linguist that she was. Locking up the house, she mentally prepared herself for the ride with this almost stranger. She supposed they were going to his apartment and had no idea where that was. Jae was a proper gentleman as he guided her out the door, across the dilapidated porch, and helped her get situated into the passenger seat of his lifted truck. She watched him as he made his way around the vehicle and hopped inside beside her. Trying in vain not to stare, Beth’s eyes were drawn to him like the needle of a compass eternally fixed on its target; discovering him, from the way he moved to the texture of his skin, while Jae’s eyes were fixed on the road toward home. Her eyes wandered further of their own volition, tracing the curve of his lips, the slight lift in the corner of his mouth as he spoke to her; not that she caught a single word.

Beth tried to pay attention to Jae and to the direction they were headed, but being trapped in with him, more of his scent reached her and made her heart beat faster. It was a musk; not quite clean, not dirty either. It was the smell of someone who'd recently had sex, or so she imagined, as if the smell was purely pheromones. The last time she'd caught a similar scent it was from the only other man whom had ever fully aroused her. The lead singer of a band climbing off stage for a drink. Such a silly comparison, although undoubtedly, and surprisingly accurate. The smell was intoxicating and made her feel weak.

After some time the two arrived at the apartment complex. A side of town Beth had never seen before. The apartments were old campus housing. They were small, but affordable and well maintained. Jae opened apartment door C and waited for her to step inside. She felt embarrassed as she walked past him, worrying if there were any part of her hair or clothes out of order, but he didn't seem to notice. Secretly, she wished he would put his hand on her lower back; a gentleman's gesture to help the lady in need. However, he respected that Beth was anything but. She had her pride and liked to do things herself, even if deep down she wanted to feel delicate and breakable with him. It was far too soon to tell him as much. Besides, if she felt his hand on her she was liable to trip and make an ass of herself. All of the little quirks most found annoying in Beth and made her feel self conscious, he seemed, so far, to be taking with a fair amount of humor; chuckling as she apologized for little things here and there. It was a beautiful sound. A deep yet gentle noise that sounded like music to Beth's ears and left her craving more.

The subtle hints of attraction that had been exchanged between Beth and Jae for weeks were suddenly looming overhead. From flirty comments on Facebook to drunken late night messages that were definitely NSFW. Private texts got deep and tears were shed, for Beth at least. Jae still seemed an enigma. He had lived an amazing life filled with experiences, both good and bad. He had lived more than she could even imagine in her safe little world; and that's where things get complicated. Beth's father was a strict man, and had forced her to leave home before graduating from high school. A punishment for his seventeen year old daughter having a boyfriend without permission. Lance, Beth’s boyfriend, had access to family owned property on either side of small a creek in the country, hidden away in the woods. So Beth and Lance were attempting to make a home in the doldrums of the broken down double wide that sat on the edge of the property. Now here she was; twenty-five years old, unemployed, and dissatisfied with day to day life with a boyfriend she stayed with simply because she felt indebted to him, and put a lot of effort into a house she could never see herself being happy living in.

Jae's apartment was like a breath of fresh air in comparison. It was small, warm, and didn't intimidate at all. What was intimidating was the woman lying on the couch she and Jae both had apparently used as a bed. It was hard not to feel a pang of jealousy. This woman had history with Jae, and may even be the reason his skin smelled like sex. The feeling confused her, given that she, herself, was in a committed relationship; so she brushed it off and tried to maintain her composure. As they all got situated on the sofa, Katy Perry music videos were softly playing on the LG television in the corner of the room. He had a decent set up with expensive new video game consoles and a selection of games to match, Beth was impressed. The woman on the couch introduced herself as Sasha, Jae's ex girlfriend, and current good friend. Beth tried to hate her, but the more they talked the more she liked this girl. She was easy to talk to and made being around Jae a little less nerve wracking. She understood now why he'd liked her enough to date her.

Thankfully though, after a bit of conversation and getting to know each other, Sasha excused herself and left the two alone. As soon as she was gone the room shifted. It was as if the air had suddenly become heavier, and it had nothing to do with the dabs Jae was hitting or the joint they had passed with Sasha. Jae's smell was all Beth could register, and his eyes on her had an effect she could not have predicted. She felt transparent under his dark brown-eyed gaze, and he had hair to match; dark, sexy, and well maintained with professionally groomed facial hair that accentuated the line of his jaw and drew attention to his lips; or perhaps that was just her. He truly was breathtaking. Catching her breath was becoming increasingly difficult. The metal ring in the middle of Jae's lower lip was drawing Beth's attention more than she was comfortable with, and she caught herself secretly wondering what it would feel like to kiss someone with a lip ring, to lick or to suck on his bottom lip, the cool metal standing in stark contrast with the warmth of him. She imagined the way he might sigh as she caressed his mouth with hers and it made her sigh out loud and shift in her seat.

Beth's experience in the kissing department was a little lacking. She was the settling down type. There were no wild parties in her past, no one-night stands, and she had only one notch in her belt. She had always been the good girl; and even though her heart cried out for excitement, she was content with keeping her body a sacred temple. It was the last thing that was truly hers. Which was why feeling this way for Jae complicated things, and a complication like Jae was the last thing she needed. Life had taken a toll on Beth. The reality of adulthood was setting in, and her inexperience had been thrown into sharp relief. She felt lost, and the path that had led her to Jae seemed inconceivably right for her.

Over the years, Jae had had many people in his bed; People of all shapes, sizes, and genders. Talking to people and making a living came easy to him, it seemed. In many ways Jae and Beth were polar opposites, but they were in just as many ways, the same. Their lives each had their own twists and turns; and just when it seemed the two couldn't be more different, they found something that connected them. Past experiences, feelings of inadequacy, even some of Beth's most protected secrets from her past, she learned Jae also shared; and she craved to know more.

The first meeting was over as quickly as it had started and was filled with the same fumbled poise Beth had no shortage of. She had hoped, deep down, for a goodbye kiss. At the very least a hug; but there was no such luck to be had, which proved favorable as Beth worked her way out the door and saw Lance’s car waiting for her by the curb. The short walk to the car felt like the walk of shame though nothing indecent had transpired; but she put on the mask she seemed to always be wearing and tried to behave like her normal, complacent self. Inside, though, her heart was thundering and her mind was sure to overheat. She was thankful she had the ride home to gain a little bit of clarity before being forced to converse with the man she felt she was betraying.

Days passed, and Jae had been stuck in Beth's mind. She worried her natural awkward behavior or the reality of her appearance without controlled lighting and filters had changed his mind about her. Through text Beth could hide, and think about her reply, type it, and edit as much as she wanted. In person she was on her own and never failed to mess up in some way; and she believed she had. Whether it was one thing or a culmination of social blunders she had made, there was a voice in Beth's mind that told her Jae was no longer interested. She made attempts to reach out and talk to him, but the paranoia had already set in. With each brief reply from him she was growing more and more convinced the connection she felt was purely one sided; and as she pondered this almost-conclusion, she wondered if maybe it was for the best. Having another man in her life that fulfilled her the way her partner should felt wrong. Was she wrong to want the feeling he gave her? To want the trace of a smile he brought to the edge of her lips when he crossed her mind? Was she wrong to enjoy this happiness?

Yes, Beth decided. To want Jae the way she did was beyond wrong. The physical attraction was tolerable and under her control; but the way her heart had latched onto him to her was a red flag. It was time to take a step back. As much as she hated to think it, she probably didn't have a choice. It was only a matter of time before Jae grew tired of her, or bored with her broken, odd way of communicating. Beth knew the moment she had laid eyes on Jae that she was going to mess up, sooner or later. It was good for her that it had happened sooner. She was getting tired of feeling her heart break; and although ending her friendship with Jae was painful, it was much more tolerable than it would be if Jae had actually liked her.

Beth felt as though her soul had recognized Jae's. She was taken with him to her core. It wasn't just her heart or her mind. It was deeper. Like a string tied to whatever it was that made her human had gotten itself tangled up in him. It was this feeling that scared her most of all. She had never felt anything like it. It was new, exciting, and dangerous all at the same time; and Beth had never been one to venture too far from the path. She preferred safety, a life raft, shelter. Jae was a hurricane threatening to bring a whirlwind of emotion and risk into her life; and he was the most terrifying thing Beth had ever faced.

In her mind, Beth was still holding out hope that he was not finished with her. She longed for the way she had felt sitting so close to him, to breathe him in just one more time. A game of mental tug-of-war was the result. This girl, who was once so reserved and mild mannered, was beginning to come out of her shell in a big way, and she attributed it all to Jae. His presence in her life had inspired her to be better than she was. No matter what happened between them, she would be forever grateful for this time with him; and for the joy, knowledge, and courage Beth had felt from the moment she clicked “Add Friend.”