What You See Isn't Necessarily What You See

I'm pretty sure everyone can agree that assumptions are never good. Unless you've known someone really well for a very long time, I wouldn't chance it, even then you can go wrong. And a lot of things CAN go wrong in a pretty serious way if one isn't careful.

I'm one of those women that stand out... apparently. I have tattoos, piercings, and bold hairstyles. I have what many men call a great figure. I dress mostly in black, so some people might label me as a "goth." I wear glasses too, which makes me either a "nerd" or a "smart" person. I'm used to people assuming things about me based on my appearance because it's happened my whole life.

Thank goodness I have a friendly demeanor because if I didn't I'd come off as intimidating—then people would never know the truth about me. Also, I'm very comfortable in my own skin which makes me confident enough to be an open book. So I find it confusing that people still insist on assuming things about me.

Since I wear mostly black people assume I'm a "goth." I'm not. I once had a kid in middle school ask if I was a part of the trench coat mafia. I didn't even know what that was at the time. Since I wear glasses, people assume I'm a "nerd" or "smart.' Not totally. I'm a bit smart but more intellectual than anything. So, I suppose that assumption fits in a way. I have an "alternative" style, so people assume all kinds of things that I won't list here... none of them are good... except "creative." I'm a bit creative. I'm not a drug-dealer or biker because I have tattoos. I'm not "into" pain because I have piercings. I'm not "unemployable" because I have "wild" hair. I have what I've been told is a "nice" shape, people assume I'm high maintenance, stuck up, and fit. I'm none of those things, especially high maintenance—I eat Nutella straight from the jar for god's sake! When I dress to compliment my body people assume I'm easy or a slut. I'm the most difficult person to get into bed you'll know of.

People not only assume things about me based on my appearance but also my behavior, opinions, and beliefs.

I'm a big flirt. A huge flirt. I mean 90 percent of the time I'm talking to a guy I'm comfortable with, I'm flirting. But not in a serious manner. I make sure to let men know that my reasons for flirting are very different to the general consensus of why society thinks women flirt. I tell them it's all in good fun and that's it. Even if I'm attracted to them, I make sure to tell them so there's no confusion. I'm also very friendly. People tell me I'm very easy to get along with, funny, and goofy. So, from the flirty behavior, people assume I'm having relations with every guy I talk to and from the friendly behavior people assume that I always want to hear their life story. I'm not and I don't.

People have a very solid opinion of me. But they're wrong. People's opinions of me are usually one-dimensional—"she's a slut," "she's so friendly," "she's a goofball," or "she's always happy." None of those are true. I am some of those things at some points of time throughout my life, and so are we all. But not all the time. I have to constantly remind people that I'm not a robot, that I'm a multi-dimensional person with a multi-faceted personality which encompasses a wide range of emotions, opinions, styles, energies, beliefs, loves, interests, and goals. I'm just like everyone else, but not.

Now, assumptions can always get people into trouble. Just think if someone sees me talking to a guy, any guy. We're laughing. Someone assumes we're flirting. This person, who has assumed something incorrectly, goes to another person and tells them they saw us flirting. Then that person goes to another and tells them we're having relations. On and on it goes down through the line of gossip... until it reaches his wife. Now there's going to be a problem. A seed of doubt has been planted in her head, wrongly causing her undue pain. She confronts her husband and he, of course, denies it. But once that seed of doubt has planted itself, it's very hard to ignore. She confronts me. I laugh at her for believing something so absurd. She gets offended. I don't know why. We become enemies for no reason. The man's relationship with me, however innocent, gets strained until it's no more. The wife is unable to reconcile her doubt with his denial—divorce.

Five lives ruined by assumptions and idle gossip. Five? Yes, don't forget about his two children. Of course, the person assuming didn't think about that, did they?

Make sure you know what you're seeing before you're speaking.

Or take the safer route and don't speak at all, since it's not your place anyway.