When All Else Fails

Every single argument my husband and I have ever gotten into, I only remember one thing about; loving him solved the issue. You know those arguments where you just stop talking and don't speak to each other for long periods of time? Every little thing they do either ticks you off or just makes you more upset. You get the "I'm right" mentality and are just waiting for an apology. Well guess what, we will rarely get one. It's not necessarily a bad thing either. Arguments don't make you right, they make you upset and communicate poorly.

It's okay to step back and take a breather. Especially if you're one of those people who has to spew the first comment that comes to mind. I typically need to because I start to feel like my husband isn't trying to understand and he gets into a mood where reasoning isn't an option. I wouldn't dare yell at him either, that gets us nowhere fast. My husband responds to a loving touch and calm words. Who wouldn't? My point is though, loving him makes him understand. Our frustration leads to negative reactions, unless we catch ourselves and turn it around. I know I'm not the only one who can let their pride get in the way or assume they know why I'm upset and wait for them to apologize. It just prolongs the issue. After awhile I just get over it and we ignore the issue, although that's a mistake. Passive-aggressiveness just produces underlying issues. I always tell myself "Oh well this thing is going on soon, or we're both in a good mood. Why ruin it?" Don't listen to the excuses. Just talk about it and come out of it stronger.

My husband and I are both very stubborn when we believe we're right. That's not a good combo. But I know when to throw in the towel, and I always do. I fell in love with him for a reason and I'm not going to give a reason to fall out of it. I think we forget that too. When you're in the moment arguing, it becomes all about being right or making a point. You typically aren't in a position of reason and that's what gets us. That moment swallows us whole a lot of times. When you learn to be prepared for those moments, it's easier to avoid the argument. Talk. It. Out. Quit waiting for the right time. Don't throw the issue into the bottle with the others. When you tend a garden, do you wait till the plants look like they're dying to water them? Or do you tend to them daily so the plants always look lush and healthy? It's a no brain-er.

Our arguments always start from an underlying issue. The harsh tones in our voices come from frustration. It could be money, job loss, lack of certain actions, everyday stress, being tired, etc. The best thing you can do is recognize those things. I have a friend who lives with her girlfriend and the friend wanted a couch (they had one already that they recently bought) but she said okay anyways. They had some friends get the couch up into their second story, one bedroom apartment and her girlfriend decides she doesn't want it but didn't want to say anything because they were already moving it. It was too cluttered and they didn't need it anyway. They argued about the couch for a couple weeks before they finally got rid of it. A couch they got for free. Was it really about the couch? I don't believe it was. It was miscommunication and probably some disagreements about other issues that the couch just topped off. I remember some times in our relationship where the stupidest reasons would lead us into an argument because we weren't communicating our thoughts and feelings. We were easily agitated with each other and a lot of times, he would have to leave he got so frustrated. But in the end, I always used our love to mend the issue. After I realized how stupid the issue was, it just wasn't worth all that tension between us and it never is.

I do wonder though, if some couples need those arguments to realize how much they love that person. I feel like the argument sprouts love for them. I don't need to explain the definition of make up sex. The arguments really can bring out your love, literally. Negativity drains you, and love makes it all better. Go love them hard, which ever way you choose. I don't believe the arguments are always bad, just don't forget the love when you're done.