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When I Stopped Caring

Remembering Yourself

By Ashly ArbesPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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High school. The beginning of the dating world. It seems like once you start, you can't stop. Everything becomes about dating or being with someone. And when you aren't, somethings wrong with you and everyone asks why you aren't with someone. My first boyfriend, Jeremy, it felt like I was driving a car blind folded. He asked me out to some party and then we were automatically together because I said yes. So I just went with it, even though I was pretty sure I didn't like him that way. I was just so engrossed with the new world of dating, flirting and being flattered that someone liked me like that. He was my training wheels as far as dating and I was beyond ready for them to come off.

Boyfriend number two. Clayton. He was a doozy. I had a major crush on him for a few years and then all of the sudden I had a dream about him and that was it for me. I had to be with him. He was gorgeous too. Blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a body that was to die for. He was the guy that ladies swoon over. Between the looks and some similar common interests. I fell for him hard. You could have hit me with a bat and it wouldn't have phased me. We did love each other and that was what made it hard. It was great in the beginning, but my first mistake was that it started out as long distance for the first few months and I hadn't seem him in about three years. I was so blinded by him that I forgot some of the things that made me, me. We finally were together in person but things started going down hill, and kept rolling. He was not ready to have a mature relationship. It was about partying and friends for him. I know he still loved and cared about me, but it wasn't enough. We didn't talk for two weeks and it took him that long to finally text me and see what was up. Yep. That was it for me. And it was hard. It seemed like a shallow relationship, but I had so much invested in it. Have you ever tried tearing apart a well stitched seam? It's hard to undo things you put together so well, but sometimes you don't know it's wrong until it's already together. Step by step, you have to take each thread out, without tearing the parts you want to keep. To this day, I still cannot figure out why I fell so hard for him. And it still hurts to think about. He is why I believe in love at first sight. It's unexplainable, and it happened to me.

I met this other guy, Solomon, shortly before Clay and I broke up. He wasn't from the area though, he lived pretty far away out of state. We started talking and I could tell he liked me but I didn't want to date right off the bat. I know rebounds don't work out well. It's important to give ourselves time to heal properly. He convinced me to break up with my boyfriend, I knew Solomon was right anyways. He helped me get through it though. As soon as we broke up, Solomon told me that he liked me. Go figure. I told him how I felt about it. We didn't date but we continued to talk. A few months later, I was able to go see him. It was a horrible trip. I was there for a day and a half, and only saw him for about 6 hours. After the trip. Nothing. He just stopped talking to me. I was so upset. A few months later, a close friend of mine messaged him, asking what was up. He told her that he couldn't do the long distance. Okay? So he couldn't tell me that? Come to find out, he started dating someone else. What a shallow asshole. I was pissed. I had never been so mad about something like that. I didn't even want to date, I loved being friends, and maybe after awhile I would have considered that. For months I had this anger for him. If I had seen him in person, I may have greeted him with a punch in the face. I am not a grudge holder but he made me into one. I was so tired of the anger and I didn't know how to get rid of it. But it finally dawned on me. I had to forgive him. And I did. I am not kidding you, it was instant relief. Tears flowed down my face, it was such a relieving feeling. I had so many hard lessons from these relationships and I was still absorbing everything that had happened.

A year later. I could still feel it from Clay. I was fine for the most part but things could set off those memories so fast. I was done dating for now, if not ever. I could care less to date anymore. And as soon as I decided that, I had 3-4 different guys I knew, message me. I wasn't and was never going to be interested in any of them. I wanted to focus on me. I was still in so much pain. I wanted to travel and do what I loved doing. I wanted to be out in nature. I wanted to focus on my friends, some of which I had neglected in my relationships. It was me time and I desperately needed it but it took me so long to realize it. That summer was amazing. I reconnected with a friend that I deeply regretted losing contact with when I started high school. We spent the summer hanging out and had a couple new friends tagging along too. One of which, is now my husband, Bruce.

This is what it took for me to finally let it all go. I stopped caring about who I would date next, or that I didn't want to be alone. But I wasn't alone. I always had friends who cared. I took care of me and looked at all the lessons I had learned from those past relationships. Jeremy taught me to speak up. Clay taught me to remember my needs and what makes me, who I am. Solomon was a tool (Ha ha) that helped me end a hard relationship that I couldn't do on my own and he also taught me how to forgive. The shift in my focus, with the lessons I had learned, brought my husband right to me, and in that, Bruce helped me to finally heal all of those old wounds.

My past relationships gave me the tools I needed in order to maintain the relationship I have with my husband. I don't regret any of them and I never will. Even if you are in a relationship, don't forget to remember YOU.

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About the Creator

Ashly Arbes

My first story I published here tells a quick story of my current life. I love nature, just being outside can be euphoric for me. I love being creative. I love to travel any chance I have. I always find a way to challenge my comfort zone.

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