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First let's introduce you to "Caleb."
Caleb and I met at a party through mutual friends. He made it very clear he was into me. I didn't really feel the same, but I had a minimal amount of dating experience. Caleb asked my friend if I was single and that he would like to date me.
"She seems really cool. Not all awkward like me."
My friend "Allison" told me that he seemed super nice and that I should give him a chance.
We ended up hooking up in his car and two more times at his apartment. We dated for two weeks. Then it got weird. We broke it off.
Months later, I still thought about him quite a bit. I guess I ended up falling for him(just not in a healthy way.) So I decided to reconnect with him.
It was fun for a while but it was going to be a rough ride from there.
Before I continue, I should tell you a little bit about my best friend "Nicole."
Nicole and I met in college. Then a couple years later, I reconnected with her through her sister. We ended up living together for about a month (due to bad adulting.)
Anyways, Nicole are the best of friends. We talk nearly everyday. She's even texting me while I write this. We have built each other up for the last four years. Even when she moved to Arizona we never lost touch. I can barely describe how solid this friendship is.
Now for the real dirt...
I was at a Halloween party with Nicole and Caleb. Everything was going great. I was having a great time. I met new people. I was drinking a little bit. The usual party scene. Then it was time to leave. I took Nicole home and then went home with Caleb. He told me he loved me then he cried (which was really uncomfortable for me). Then we had great sex as usual. (This was definitely a huge that Caleb and I were not good together).
My phone was dead all night and I turned it on the next morning to find my best friend telling me that my bf had made a move on her.
"Hey Michelle, I should tell you that Caleb tried to make a move on me last night. I'm really sorry that this happened. I hope you'll be okay."
I was shocked. I asked him about it and he tried to lie to me then he confessed.
"No I didn't. She must be confused."
"I don't know why I'm lying to you. Yeah I did. I don't know why I did that. It didn't mean anything."
We broke up right then and there. After a week, I tried to see if I could still buy weed from him.
"I'll tell you what. Come over and I'll smoke you out."
I agreed. I went over there and he got down on his knees and apologized to me, promised me that he would never do that to me again.
I knew better than to believe him, but I was lonely. We always had excellent sex and strong chemistry. That was a hard thing to just let go of.
Then, my dad died.
Obviously, it became too much for him to be my bf while I was grieving. A month later he broke up with me. Then the entire year was just terrible for me.
I fell into a deep depression. I isolated myself. I gave up sex completely. I was getting high like four times a day, just to be able to go outside. One of my closest friends abandoned me.
It was the hardest year of my life, but my best friend was still there.
She knew I was trying my hardest and she was so patient despite what she was going through. Nicole supported me but did not coddle me.
I was an asshole. I tried not to be but it's hard to control yourself when you're grieving. Whenever my best friend tried to vent to me about her problems, I would try to shrug it off like it didn't matter.
"No dude, you're supposed to say this..."
After my (ex)bf hit on my best friend it made it hard to go out with her. My best friend is very good at flirting and I am not. I've also been really insecure for a long time.
I went out with her and I was being a total drag. Then I realized that after what happened that night, I felt more unattractive than I have felt in a while.
When he hit on my best friend, it made me feel ugly. I felt like he flirted with her because he realized she was prettier than me.
That's what I'm actually mad about. The toll my friendship took.
It took a long time to recover from that. It was hard work trying to repair my friendship. It took a lot of realization. I cried. I talked it out. I put in the hours and I came out on top.
I remember that conversation with Nicole. It was a really good, for both of us.
"I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was."
It's been almost two years since Caleb and I broke up. I'm not sad when I think of him anymore. It's an experience to learn from. I didn't know what I was doing. All I know is, that I've set the bar higher now. I'm not doing the casual sex thing anymore, because it makes me feel dead inside. I need real human connection before I can cross that boundary with someone.
My best friend and I are better than ever. We have gotten past so much pain in our lives and I'm glad to have her there with me. I hope that we grow old together, despite any changes in our lives.
I think that everyone needs a best friend like that. It makes life easier and a whole lot of fun.