When No One Believed Me

This story begins sometime around sophomore year and goes on till my junior year in high school. I was friends with a guy since middle school, to keep his name discreet I’m going to identify his as "R." R and I were friends beginning in seventh grade, extending towards high school up until junior year in high school. I found myself beginning to have a crush on him during my sophomore year. I remember he was in my English class and he had sat next to me. I had a crush on him and it was something I couldn’t hide. One day I found the courage to tell him how I felt. It was after the last class of the day. Since our classes were next to each other I met up with him and told him I wanted to tell him something. I had told him that I liked him and he had literately dropped to the ground. It was strange, but after that, we both went to our separate busses to go home. He texted me later that he was shocked that I had like him and wanted to date me.

So we began dating. He became my boyfriend. I liked him a lot, but you wouldn’t say it was love. We were dating for a while and everything was calm and nice. One day he called me and told me that he wanted to break up. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, since it became blurry to me at that moment. I was upset because I guess I really did like him.

After a month, he was texting me how we normally did. Of course, after us “breaking up,” the conversations were boring and ended quickly. One day he had texted me a song. One of the lyrics talked about how you realize how much you really loved and cared about someone once you let them go. He told me he regretted breaking up with me and asked me to be his girlfriend again. I had foolishly said yes and, at that moment, I was very naive. I wouldn’t say I was in love with him, but he was my first actual boyfriend, so I was attached to him.

That had happened towards the end of our sophomore year and we were happily dating. Towards the beginning of junior year, I started to see a change in him, but I didn’t notice it until later.

He had become more clingy, possessive, and obsessed with losing his virginity to me. A mutual friend of ours had lost her virginity during the eighth grade, and for some reason, it became her mission for me to lose mine. She began pestering the both of us that we should have sex because we were a couple. To her, it was no big deal, but to me, I didn’t care that I was still a virgin. Since that moment that was all R cared about. He would try to sext me and talk about sex with me. One time he told me he didn’t want to die a virgin. We have talked about it, but deep inside, I knew I was never going to have sex with him. He, on the other hand, had become more touchy with me. He didn’t like me hanging out with my friends, claiming how I rarely see him and see my friends a lot. Whenever we were alone, all he wanted to do was make out and grope me. One time we were making out and I was trying to pull away to catch my breath when he had held my head in place, preventing me from moving away. I told him how I didn’t like that and he began saying that I did not love him.

There was another time where all he wanted to do was be alone with me, and it began to drive me crazy, so I took him to where my friend was to hangout. He was visibly upset and I felt suffocated, so I had left him there and went to where another one of my friends was. I remember one friend telling me how he was crying after I left, saying that he had lost me.

I felt upset for making him feel that way.

It only began to get worse to where he rarely left my side. He wanted to be with me and just me. Some people would say it was sweet, but I felt suffocated. He didn’t like me hanging out with anyone besides him, and if I wasn’t with him, I would have plenty of messages from him—either angry ones or depressed ones.

Him and I were in the same English class and oddly sat next to each other. In front of me was a guy who I had known since middle school as well. The guy would always talk to me before and during class. He was just a friend to me, but R didn’t see it that way. He saw it as another guy flirting with me and believed I flirted back. One time I had tried to hug him once we got out of class, but he had pushed me to the floor then left for the bus. I was so confused as to why he was acting that way towards me. I wanted to talk to him about it, but it only made things worse.

The next day during our lunch break I tried talking to him, but he would only say he was going to lose me. Where we hung out during our lunch break was secluded and behind classrooms that was near the parking lot. He would tell me how he didn’t want to lose me and that he loved me. Then he was angry and accused me of flirting with that guy when I wasn’t. When I tried to leave for my next class, he had pulled my arm towards him. I told him he was hurting me, but he didn’t care. He was trying to kiss me, but I didn’t want to. When I tried to push him away, his grip only became tighter. I had managed to break from his grasp, but he had grabbed my hair and yanked it, causing me to fall. I felt so defenseless and scared at that moment. He was upset to see me crying and began to apologize. The bell rang and people began to walk by, so I immediately left him to go to my next class.

There were times where he would go from happy to angry or sweet to violent. It had scared me at how fast he could switch from hugging me to hurting me. Besides pulling my hair, he would push me and squeeze me tight sometimes—even dig his nails in. He would try to make me make out with him, grope me, and rub himself on me. It was getting to a point where I was scared to be around him. I didn’t know how he was going to react or what he was going to do next. I couldn’t handle it anymore and so I broke up with him.

After breaking up with him, things only seemed to get worse. I began receiving messages from him on how he missed and loved me. He would constantly text me non-stop. He would constantly tell me how he was going to hurt himself by cutting himself. The messages continued until he was telling me he was going to kill himself and kill me. One of my “friends” tried convincing me to go back with him and told me it was my fault that he was self-harming. I felt alone because my supposed best friend was pressuring me to get back together with him.

There was a time where even some teachers thought I did wrong in leaving him. They also believed it was my fault for his suffering. Whenever I would try to approach the teacher, she would mention him or ask me how he was doing. She would act rude towards me, since he had gone and told her how he wanted to kill himself because of me.

He continued telling me he was going to kill me then kill himself. He had switched out of our English class, but he began sending me anonymous notes, acting as a secret admirer. When he saw that I would ignore his messages and notes, he would try to talk to me at school. I tried to ignore him, but it became too much. I had gone to one of the vice principals at the school and explained everything to her. When I told her of all the threats and how scared I felt, she acted as if it was nothing. She told me that she didn't think he would really do anything to me. She also told me I needed to stay away from him. Apparently, he had been sent to her by one of his teachers and talked about me to her. She thought I was a danger to him. She ignored everything I told her about him and told me if she saw me around him that I would be suspended. I felt scared and alone, since no one believed me. No one wanted to help me and he was seen as the guy who did nothing wrong. I would still see him around school. Sometimes he would be around my classes, just watching me, and it scared me to be around him. I couldn’t tell anyone because I knew I wouldn’t be believed. It was scary to know that he was around, he had hurt me and could hurt me again, but everyone thought I was the bad person. I truly felt scared and alone at that point. He had managed to scare me, even after we weren't dating. I didn’t feel safe at school, and not even at home, since he knew where I lived. There was a point where I stopped telling people things because I believed they wouldn’t believe me.

Towards the beginning of senior year, he had a new girlfriend. I wouldn’t talk to her or him, yet his girlfriend's friends were threatening me to leave him alone. There was one time where his girlfriend's friends were threatening me and he was nearby. The whole time he was looking at me and laughing. It was scary for me for him to still instill fear upon me.

It all finally ended towards the end of high school. We graduated and, thankfully, I have never heard or seen him again. It still haunts me on how he would hurt me. I’m glad it is over, but it still comes back to haunt me in forms of nightmares or insecurities. I don’t want to believe that he has a hold on me. Day by day, I try to eliminate my fears. He can’t hurt me anymore. I’m stronger now.