When You Feel like You Don’t Belong

Ever since I was a young kid in elementary school, I never quite felt as if I “belonged." Now quite frankly at that age, I’m not even sure I understood what that meant. “To belong,” means to be a member of or part of a particular group, organization, or class; to fit in a specified place or environment. Well when you’re that age you can’t quite grasp the actual meaning or feeling if you will of “belonging." At that age, I only had one true friend who, still til this day, is like family to me.

During my elementary school years, I wasn’t so sure how to necessarily make friends so I turned to my sense of humor to help me make friends. I did any and every stupid, crazy, funny thing I could think of to make people laugh. I thought that I would be successful that way and while yes that did work I began to get older. As I began to get older, others began to become more mature. Maturity, even nowadays, is something I lack LOL.

Middle school days quickly approached and I decided I was too cool for all of my old elementary school friends so I decided to go to a new school for middle school and make new friends. The transition was a little hard because the new kids were WAY different. It was harder to become their friends because they all have know each other since preschool, and here I am some new girl starting the sixth grade at this new school. I quickly began to realize that my old jokes and tricks weren’t as funny or cool as they were in elementary school with my old friends. As years kept going by as quickly as they do, I began to feel more and more lost. I turned from the funny crazy cool girl (or so I thought lol) to the annoying girl that nobody wants to be around. I’ve always liked to say that I’m a dreamer and while that may be true, I think it’s also an excuse for my “lostness” or my not “belonging." I was so busy and fixated on having friends and being cool and funny and worrying about what other people thought of me, that I NEVER once thought about ME.

I never once thought about my actual dreams, my hobbies, my favorite this or that, etc. So here I am, at 22, just now trying to figure out if and how I “belong." Trying to figure out WHO I am and WHAT I like and WHERE I’m supposed to go in this journey of life. I struggle everyday with this as I’m sure a lot of others have or are too. You are not alone. You are not worthless. Yes you have a purpose. Help yourself help me in my journey as I discover my true self and my purpose!