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When You Lose Your 'Human'

Relationships are defined as the connection between two or more people, but is there more to that?

By Hugo SuggPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Relationships have many components.

Humans are social things, beings with emotion, thought, and expression.

We live in a reality where we interact with other humans and we have relationships with other people, physical things, and rely heavily on material goods to survive like shelter, money, clothing, and food.

Let’s explore the term relationship first. Defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as being “the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected,” a relationship is something that instinctively we rely on to survive. In terms of being a human in a world where more than humans exist, I would say a relationship digs deeper and it extends to what we need to survive. Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who studied what psychological health we needed to reach “self-actualisation”—in other words, the best we can be. Maslow developed a pyramid which says we need elements of our world, both socially and physically, in a specific order to be our best and achieve our potential like health, rest air, belonging, and self-esteem.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

To expand the thinking behind why relationships should be defined more than with just people, I give you three examples:

  • We have relationships with food—we like certain tastes but not others and our tastes change over time.
  • We have a relationship with our emotions—when you have no money, you can feel down and sad, but when you have just made a new best friend you can feel elated and "on top of the world."
  • We have a relationship with a house—it enables us to be in a safe environment. It’s our security where our belongings are.

Let’s go on that last point—a house. I’m positive you can agree with me that a home is a set of bricks and mortar that keep us warm, where we can sleep, eat, and relax. Close your eyes and think about your home for 10 seconds… Think about the front door, the hallway, kitchen, your bedroom, your garden—then open them again.

If you like your house, you will no doubt have had happy thoughts just then. But I want you to now close your eyes for 10 seconds and think about what if all of that disappeared and your house was gone.

Ok, I can guarantee that wasn’t a nice thought… But before I apologise for making you think like that, I want you to think what that really felt like: Did you feel human?

In 2008 when was 18, that second scenario wasn’t just a thought. I was in a relationship with my then-partner, moved out of my county, and lived 30 miles away in our flat, but then they decided to be unfaithful and were emotionally abusive to me. After eight months, I had enough and I decided to focus on my college and friends so I split up with them… I didn’t know it at the time, but this was the start of me losing my human.

The person I stayed with after I moved out of the flat turned out to not be a nice character and I had to leave there very quickly one day due to an incident so then I was left without nothing but two big bags of my clothes and belongings.

For three months from November 2008 to January 2009, I was sofa-surfing waiting for the charity I was with to give me a room when one became free, and this meant staying with friends in their spare bedroom or sofa. I had no relationship with a home to call my own and my relationships with people were suddenly being tested.

One night, it wasn’t possible to stay with my friends and because I didn’t feel comfortable going back to family, I had to start a new relationship and this time with a cashpoint lobby floor. That night, I slept rough with one of my bags being used as a pillow and the other bag being held tightly by my side.

That night I lost my human.

I felt nothing. I was numb. All the safety I had before was gone until the next day. I just felt like skin and bones lying on this rock called Earth. I had no relationships with anything or anyone.

The human came back.

In 2017, I ran for UK Parliament in the General Election with a manifesto that focused heavily on homelessness. Picture credit: Linda Nylind

10 years later—I have graduated from University, became a qualified Youth and Community Worker, and I run a homeless campaign which raises awareness of the issue.

That night was my rock bottom (literally!), but I have used it to strengthen my relationships with everything from my friends to family to my home to my life in general: I'm getting back on track.

Being a human and having relationships is more than procreation then a house, a family, having a job and earning money—it’s how you function in a world that has so many dimensions—physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

Oh yeah before I forget—I’m sorry for making you think about not having a house earlier, but I hope it was worth the 10 seconds.

____________________________________________________________________________

If you are homeless or threatened with homelessness in the UK:

England/Wales: Click here to search/call your out of hours local authority/council Homelessness Number.

Scotland: Click here to search the Shelter Scotland Directory.

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About the Creator

Hugo Sugg

28 years young and a Homeless Campaigner / Self-proclaimed Londoner / Podcaster / Politics geek / Human Rights activist / Youth Worker / Humanist / Cocktail lover / Twitter addict (@HugoSugg) / ex-barista

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