Where's Your Place?

Where's your place in your relationships? Where do you stand? I'm not referring to intimate relationships, but I am referring to friendships. Granted, some people don't care to make new friends. They keep their childhood circle relevant and everyone is just a mere acquaintance, which is okay. Then you have people who are open to meeting new people and letting that relationship grow into whatever it may be.

I'll admit that I'm not close to very many people and I don't have many friends. However, that's another story for another day. I do believe that people are placed in our lives for a particular reason and for a particular time limit.

• Leaves: People who are meant to be in your life temporarily. They come and go like the season changes.
• Branches: People who are only placed in your life to help you overcome obstacles. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
• Roots: A small number. A rarity. People who are meant to be in your life for a lifetime. You may not talk to each other every day, but you can pick up where you left off easily. And they're always there when needed.

The question that we often face is "who goes in what category?" or we see it, but choose to ignore it. Oftentimes, we tend to have this illusion that people view you as you view them. That's not always the case.

In my experience, I viewed a friend as a root in my life, when that friend showed every sign of being a branch. Why? How? There was a time when I was down; this friend was there. Vice versa. We've often shared good moments of our lives with each other. Had good conversations and checked in on each other. Sound good, right? Well, the relationship with that friend has dwindled to the point that we rarely speak to one another. You can only send as many "how are yous" until you get the hint. The conversations became stagnant. Repetitive. Then, you spend a moment trying to figure out:

"What went wrong?"

"Did I say something or not say something?"

"Why isn't this person talking to me?"

"Why is this person talking to everyone except me when I didn't do anything wrong or to him/her?"

This is when you have to realize where you are in that person's life.

There's a saying. "There's 24 hours in a day. If a person wanted to talk to you, they would. It only takes 2.5 seconds to say hello."

Now, I'm not saying that the person in your life has to constantly chat you up. There are roots in my life that I talk to not as often as I like, but a check-in is always in the works. But what about the people who are just not good with communication? What about the people who only check in once in a blue moon? I'm not really referring to those people. If you were in a situation or going through something in life, I'm sure those people would reach out to you. I'm talking about people that ignore you, but as soon as you say "I don't have any friends," that person pops up. Or if you're on a "glow up," they come out of the shadows. Going into the new year, I'm not saying, "AVOID MAKING NEW FRIENDS!" Venture out. Be open-minded. Just recognize people for what they are.

In the great words of Dr. Maya Angelou:

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

So, don't go forcing people into categories that they don't belong in. You'll only upset yourself. Trust me, I know. Don't give a root job to a person that is a branch or vice versa.

All in all, I'm simply saying: don't be in one-sided relationships with family, significant others, or friends. Don't have yourself wondering why that person doesn't value you as you value them. If that person in your life is a leaf or a branch, it's okay. Thank them and move along.

My question to you: Are you leaf, a branch, or a root?

xoxo