Who Do I Trust?

Throughout your life, you make many friends. Some leave, some stay. and some just don't care anymore. Back when I was three, I made a friend with a girl named Brenna. We were the same age and did everything together. By then I knew she was my best friend.

And as best friends, we tell each other everything. Our secrets, our troubles, who we like, who we don't like. But there is always one question: can we really trust them with everything? See, my whole life in elementary and middle school I trusted her with everything.

Around the middle of middle school, our relationship started to drop. During our hangouts, she would invite other people without asking me. She would tell me to be silent when her other friends were talking and like the good and loving best friend I was, I did what she said. See, I obeyed her like a slave, because I didn't want to lose our friendship, but back then I didn't know how best friends acted or treated each other. Soon after that, she would start bringing her boyfriends along on hangouts and the same thing would come up "Oh Kim, I hope you don't mind I invited Blake to join us." And, of course, I'd say "Yea, sure, I mean he's your boyfriend right? You can't cancel plans with him," and all they did was make out everywhere we went. The movies was the worst place, because I could hear them making out next to me.

At the end of middle school, we no longer talked to each other or hung out. Some days she'd text me wanting to hang out, but I'd make an excuse of going out with family.

Then it came to the worst day of my life. When I got to school on the last day, people were staring at me whispering, laughing, pointing, and one thing was going around my mind: "what's going on?" I found her smiling and laughing with her other friends. All their eyes landed on me, making me feel like a dangerous insect that needed to be squashed quickly. Brenna was looking at me the same way, which made me shake waiting for the impact that was coming. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Snickers were my only response.

Everything felt like in was in slow motion the moment Brenna spoke those words that have haunted me everyday to this day "Kim your nothing but a D.U.F.F." At first I had no idea what that meant, but she explained right after, "Designated Ugly Fat Friend, I've just been using you to make myself look good. You've been nothing but a pain in my side since the start of middle school, so get lost." Those words hit me like they all had knives and were continuously stabing me. The school knew everything about it that's why they were laughing and pointing.

That whole day, I ditched class and spent my whole time crying in the restrooms. Not wanting to see anyone, not wanting anyone to see me. The whole time I was in there, I kept thinking would anyone care if I was gone? Would anyone miss me? Does no one care? After that, I was in a dark place just thinking of different ways to kill myself. Drowning, cutting, hanging, overdose; I had different choices. But I never had the courage to do it. So I made a promise to myself that day. Never make friends with anyone again or at least never get that close to anyone ever again, it will only cause you pain.

Later on in high school, I was nonstop distant from anyone. All my friends that I made in middle school went to Buena and I was stuck in Ventura alone, which I didn't really mind. All that was set in my mind was to get these years of high school over with as fast as possible. But that all changed when this hyper small little spark of adventure and kindness came my way.

Now she may have annoyed me at first. I even tried to push her away, but she still kept coming. I've completely changed from who I used to be. I had really bad trust issues and just thought everyone disliked me or hated me, like that rumor she caused spread everywhere, but that all changed with one girl who changed my life forever and for the better.

Her name is Liz and she has been with me for as long as I could remember. She made me happy, trust people, and even made me make more friends. Because of her, I can finally trust people again. I've told her everything and I know what you're thinking — why would you do something like that again — but believe me, it took me a while before I even had the courage to tell her anything. And I don't regret a thing; she has been my best friend and every secret we tell each other we keep. She never sees me as a D.U.F.F and that makes me so happy.

So, in life, when you meet someone, try not to trust them so easily they can just be using you. It may be they're not, but be careful. You never know who you can trust and why you can't.