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Why Be GAY?

My Take on Why I Was Born or Why I "Choose" to Be Gay

By Pineapple SmoothiesPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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Growing up gay is a story that 18 percent of Generation X shares across the globe. To put that into perspective, that's about 1.3 billion individuals who share the same lifestyle like myself.

Life itself is not just a walk in the park. It's hard. It makes you work for the things that you want and forces you to make mistakes in order to learn from trial and error.

I, myself, grew up in an Asian household, where typically being gay is seen as a birth defect. I'm sure that across all cultures, some may agree that this is how being gay is portrayed. Some may say that it's a phase, or say that being gay was a choice that I made because I wanted to be different and stand out from the rest.

They're wrong.

I've always known, that deep down, I liked boys. It wasn't until I was about five years old that I actually realized boys were my thing.

I'd put on a dress, wear my mom's heels, and dance away to Fergie or Nelly without a thought in the world. I just thought that it was fun. It was fun to be a kid, to be naive, and to not know how cruel the world really is.

My mom put me into Boy Scouts because there was no real father figure in the house and she wanted me to make a man out of myself through experiences that my leaders and fellow scouts could offer me. I excelled in all the activities and outings we had. I even earned my ranks as Senior Patrol Leader at one point and eventually Crew president of the Venturing Scouts.

When I was in my first year of High School, I was still oblivious to my true self. All I knew was that the one guy in my PE class had the hottest looking body ever and that I wanted to touch him. Maybe I was envious of his body? At least that's what I told myself.

I eventually had experiences in Boy Scouts that led me to self discovery. I mean, come on... with 1.3 billion people being gay in 2018, there was bound to be a handful of LGBT members in scouts, right?

This boy helped me "explore my body."

Yeah, by now I realized what it was that we were doing, but back then I fed into his story about "helping another brother out."

So yeah. I started to accept the fact that I was gay. I started to let others know as well... It started off with a friend of mine, then my sister, and eventually, mom. I was always in tears to let her know that I was gay because she was the birth giver. How was I about to tell her that I wanted to ruin the chances of passing on our immediate genetics?

But like any good mother, she accepted me for who I was and continued on cutting the cucumbers that were for tonight's dinner.

The point I wanted to make from telling my story was that growing up gay is hard. In fact, growing up is rough in all perspectives. But being lost without an identity really hit home for me. Living for years without a dad and everything.

Here's a list of questions and comments I always got from my friends, family, and online friends I met from gaming:

  • Why are you gay?
  • Are you a pitcher or a catcher?
  • How did you know?
  • Are you sure?
  • Does anal hurt?
  • When was your first time?
  • Just do it with a girl... you'll like it.
  • Have you even considered being into girls?
  • etc...

My reply every time someone questions me about having done anything with girls remain the same till this day.

"If I could and wanted to be straight, I would. But I can't because I would be lying to myself. I don't want to grow up married with some girl, have like three kids, only to be sleeping with men on the side and being emotionally upset myself as some middle aged man.

I would honestly be straight if I could be, because put it this way: Why in the world would I CHOOSE to live a life where I constantly get bullied and hated for being the way that I am? Why would I not want kids of my own flesh and blood? Why would I not want to practice masculinity?

Because it's not me.

I'd rather live in a hateful world who can't accept others for who they are than deny myself of the right to love.

I'm sure that in everyone's perfect world, they fall in love... Right?

Why am I denied the right to live that same life?

What is love?

When you love someone, you would do anything for them. You would walk the earth to be there in the morning when your significant other wakes up. You want to share laughter, and make memories. You want to live life knowing that someone loves you as much as you love them. It's unconditional love. You want to share my life with someone. You might even die for them. I know I would. That's the definition of love in my book.

Love is universal. I just don't understand why people make it their problem and have to intrude in the lives of others. It's not your job. If God wanted to punish me and the rest of the gays for being the way we are, then I'd rather go to hell. Because this would tell me that God discriminates. And if that's what people want to tell me, that I'm not good enough to live the afterlife in heaven then I don't care. I just want to love in the mortal lifespan that I have.

So to answer the question of "Why be gay?"

I'm gay because I love myself. I'm gay because there is no way in the world will I let some random person tell me what to do with MY life that MY mother gave me. MY life isn't yours to live. It's MINE. And screw it. If everyone seems to be so hung up on this afterlife damnation business, then so be it. I'll just mind my own business and live now.

lgbtq
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About the Creator

Pineapple Smoothies

I'm a hugger! I live in Texas and I'm a long ways from home. *you'll just have to dm me for more info* My greatest possessions include stuffed animals that my mom and sister gave to me at a very young age. I'm 19 and I still keep them close

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