Humans logo

Why Do All of My Friends Leave Me?

A Question That Needs Some Answers

By ScPublished 7 years ago 5 min read
Like

The day is June 10, 2017. It's graduation day in small town, Saskatchewan. I wake up at 6:00 AM to prepare for the day. The ceremony commences and my name is called. Right after me is my best friend. As we sit there and listen to the other names being called, we talk through the entire ceremony regardless of the fact that we're in the front row and everyone knows we're talking. As I sit there looking and talking to her, a piece of me wonders what will happen to us in the months to come. You see, I was preparing to make the biggest move of my entire life. Literally, I was about to move 4,460 km away from my hometown and my best friends to go to university.

The day slowly turned into the night and before I knew it, I was preparing to go to the after party. I packed my bag and got ready to go to the after party. As the car came to a halt in front of the house I took a moment before I went in. I walked into the backyard and immediately spotted my friends across the backyard. These were the friends who I had went all of junior high and high school beside. Eventually, though, I found myself standing alone holding a flashlight so two boys could play beer pong and be able to see their cups. All of my friends had either left the party, spent the entire night with their boyfriends, or simply found better friends to hang out with. This very accurately represents my entire high school experience.

I decided to call my mom to take me home after spending only 2 hours at the party. When asked why I wanted to go home so early I replied, "I'm tired and wasn't having fun." While we were pulling away from the house I saw one of my friends waiting for a ride. I waved, but she didn't respond. I went home with a greater feeling of loneliness inside of me than usual. Little did I know that I would feel this way for the next 3 months.

Summer came and went very slowly with my friends hanging out with other people or each other and refusing to include me. I tried to find things to occupy myself with but I always fell short and ended up succumbing to the loneliness at the end of the day.

All of my friends moved to University before I did and reassured me that I would find friends. However, when I got here I realized that I couldn't make friends. I did my best. I really did. When I got here, I assumed that my roommate would be my friend and that we would go to parties and other things together. I soon found out that I was wrong. My roommate did not like me and did not invite me to parties. There were two times that her friends invited me and she was visibly angered by the fact they asked, but also by the fact that I said yes.

I was invited to two parties and thus went to two parties. Here, I was able to talk to more people and thought I was making friends but I wasn't. Because when we were put back into the classroom, everyone would pretend that we didn't talk at the parties and that they didn't rant to me about their shitty boyfriend at 2 AM last Saturday. So, I accepted my role as the quiet girl in class who never talks and spends 90 percent of her time in her dorm room.

My question to the world and to myself is this: Why can't I make friends? And why am I never good enough for anyone? All of my life I have been attracted to chaos. My longest friendship was with my best friend and it was full of emotional abuse and torture. I would constantly be put down and insulted in order to make her look better and make her more popular. And as soon as I got the courage to tell her that I didn't appreciate what she was doing, she would respond, "Oh, I didn't know you felt this way. Don't worry though, I can change." And I would believe her. And the change would happen. Until it didn't. After a time period, things would get worse. There would be more insults, back-handed compliments, secrets being shared in public settings to humiliate me, etc. I never had the courage to leave the friendship in the past, though. I was afraid because I knew that once I left that friendship then all of our mutual friends would have to choose a side. I knew exactly whose side they would choose.

But once summer hit, so did the pressure from my parents to end the friendship. They knew everything about it and how manipulative she was from the beginning. I wasn't aware of what was happening until just about a year before I called it quits. It was completely exhilarating. Until the sides were chosen. I had figured that since we were all adults and all headed our separate ways towards different universities, that no one would have to choose sides. Unfortunately, I was wrong. And it turned out exactly how I knew it would.

So here I am. Alone, at last. Although this time, it's not just a feeling. I'm sitting on the floor in my dark dorm room writing this article through the tears and through the pain of the past. Through ending this friendship I'm finally able to figure out who I am on my own.

The only thing is, I never wanted to be alone.

humanity
Like

About the Creator

Sc

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.