Why Do We Love?

Monogamy is not meant for humans. It’s just not in our nature. We are biologically made for polygamy. The idea of having one partner for life was basically a power move made by our ancestors as a way to gain money, respect, etc. But if we are meant to have many partners, biologically speaking, why do we feel as though there is only one person that is truly meant for us? (That one person that entered your mind as you just read that.) Or maybe you haven’t met that person yet. Regardless, why is it that we have this idea that life as we know it can never be the same if we aren’t living it with that person. Here is where I propose my theory; I do believe that we are a species of polygamy, just as the majority of other species. But as humans began to develop, the benefits of polygamy became less important. Benefits like having females take care of the children weren’t necessarily needed anymore. As a result, polygamy sort of just died out. Not to say completely, as it is still a way of life in some parts of the world, but for the most part, polygamy just went away. However, I still see where our human nature takes over relationships in modern day. It’s the reason why some people just can’t find it in themselves to “settle down,” or why we can still carry on after a terrible breakup, or why some people can’t stay loyal to one partner for no reason at all. When I think about relationships, all the emotions and feelings we get; I have to remember that everything is just a chemical reaction. We get so caught up in the idea of love that we forget it is just a word after all. When you’re with a loved one and you feel happy, it must be understood that this feeling is entirely chemical. Endorphins are released in your body, dopamine, and oxytocin are jumping around in your brain, not your heart. It is in the nature of humans, just as it is in the nature of most species, to find a mate. Your brain reacts to the scent and sight of other humans and tells your body to procreate. This has always been a necessary process to keep the human population alive. I understand you may feel a frustration to hear that you are not in love because of the universe, or your heart, or because of chance. I feel the frustration myself, as my mind cannot begin to understand the complexity of a human relationship. And yet you’re still wondering why we feel such an intense connection with some people. I don’t mean to waste your time because I honestly don’t know the true answer myself, but here’s what I do think; I think that every once in a while, we come upon a person that we don’t want to live without. Why? It’s simple. Let’s go back to the idea of chemical reactions in the brain. Yes, emotions are just the changing chemicals and hormones in the brain; however, we can relate the feelings for the person to the amount of chemicals they cause to react in our brain. Just as winning the lottery would make you happier than going grocery shopping, some people can cause our bodies to release more endorphins. You may be familiar with the way that drugs affect the body, causing the release of dopamine as well. Drugs become addictive because, in order to feel the same rush of endorphins (high), people begin to take them more frequently and at higher quantities. Do I believe we become addicted to other people? Perhaps I do. Biologically the human relationship makes sense this way. Psychologically, human relationships barely become clear at all. And though, I still don’t feel that this has answered the question, this is what I have to show for a few weeks of thinking about why I can’t seem to let you go.