Why I Won't Come Out

As a bisexual male, I will not come out to the people that know me in the near future.


Background

I am a 17-year-old who has recently accepted that I am a bisexual male. Through my life, I have always been asked if I am gay, and have always replied that I am straight. People then always apologized for assuming I was gay and justified their assumption by saying it was because my best friends have always been girls or because the way I act is stereotypically gay. I have never had any issues with any sexual orientation but because people always assumed I was gay (and I was a teenager who didn't know how to feel or react), I never explored my sexuality and just labeled myself as straight.

Currently, I have 'come out' to three people, none of which are close friends or family. But I was finally open and accepting of my sexuality due to a simple conversation I had with them about their sexuality and how they were comfortable with who they were.

Reasons I Won't Come Out

The main reason for me personally is the fact that I could not deal with the attention and questions that would come along with it. I know many would say that people wouldn't be bothered and would not draw attention to it but I disagree. I say this because I have always been an open and honest person about everything really, I will tell people my opinions and value honesty over having people like me (I won't suck up to people or fake who I am in order to make friends or to stop people from judging me.) Thus, people would question why it took me so long to come out, how did I realize I was bisexual, how long have I been bisexual, and other tedious questions that I wouldn't enjoy answering. Also, I feel like people would draw attention to it, at least in my life, because many of the people I know can be intrusive and will pry, not with bad intentions but it is still not something I would welcome.

My other reason for not wanting to come out is that people should not need to come out, this may be a view that is widely shared but I personally have not seen or heard many people say this. My mother has asked me in the past if I am gay to which I replied saying I was not, but if I ever did want to come out, I wouldn't, I would just introduce her to my partner.

Conclusion

The point of this is that I do not think it is the right time for me to come out. College is a hard time for the majority of students, and coming to terms with your sexuality is difficult in itself and so with those two things together, I don't believe that I will come out in the near future and will probably wait till after college and go into the next stage of my life (university, apprenticeship or work) as an open bisexual, thus not needing to come out or explain how I got to this point unless deciding to.

I feel like my reasoning for writing this is to help myself be even more comfortable with who I am but also to help others realize that just because you are comfortable and have accepted who you are doesn't mean you need to come out. You can wait till you feel like the time is right, or come out to who you feel comfortable with coming out to. No one has the right to know other than you and you should never feel pressured or rushed because people around you have or because someone is urging you to.

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