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Why I Wrote a Love Letter to My Ex

Forgiveness is the best kind of self love.

By Natasha OlufemiPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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How do you heal after heartbreak? Write a love letter to your ex.

I’ve had a very interesting relationship history, to say the least. There’s very little that women go through in relationships that I haven’t faced. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, disrespected, and abused. I’ve even been dumped for not being rich enough, harassed by crazy exes, and blamed for the attack. I’ve been through it all, you name it.

This journey started when I was a teenager and somehow I found myself stuck in a cycle of finding love and losing it with my heart being ripped apart again and again. The childhood sweetheart who told me that he’d marry me even if I had twins for eight different guys. But yet all it took for him to break up with me was the threat of being disinherited by mummy and daddy. And this breakup happened via BBM. Yes, Blackberry Messenger was the medium by which the love of my life ended it all.

It was just weeks to my bar exams and I thought I was gonna die. I wanted to die, but I made it through, as so many women have before me and will after me. I thought everything was okay. But for some reason the breakups continued. Granted, I was less invested in these relationships and even decided to willingly be a friend with benefits at some point. But that didn’t make it easier to keep failing at love.

Then one day something happened; I realized that I hated the guy I was dating. I hated him with such a passion that I thought I must have been possessed by a demon. I’d always been such a nice girl, but I turned into a verbally abusive monster. I couldn’t understand it at first, but then it hit me. Everything was not okay. I had not healed at all from the broken relationships and now I was hating one person for the offences of five people.

I had gotten stuck in the cycle of broken relationships because I had been playing the victim card and refused to learn from my mistakes so I kept repeating them. I pushed aside every breakup thinking that was the answer, but I never came to terms with why they happened. It was no wonder I couldn’t make any new relationships work. I was self sabotaging. As George Santayana said, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

So I decided that it was time to take a step. There was no way I was going to allow anyone make me a monster. No way I was going to be a bitter woman. My life is way too important for that, way too important.

So I made up my mind to forgive and to do that, I decided to write a love letter to my ex. I wrote each of them listing out everything they’d done to hurt me. I took responsibility for my own part of the problem. I thanked them for the lessons I’d learned and I forgave them.

I didn’t send these letters to them because they didn’t need to read them. The letters were for my own soul, to announce that I didn’t have any room inside me for hatred or malice. My energies will be used for good, good for me, and good for the world around me. Positive vibes only.

Why am I writing this? Because everyone should write love letters to their exes. Everyone should heal and free their souls from the mistakes and hurts of the past. Writing a love letter to my ex is the most liberating thing I’ve done in a long time. I’m sure it will liberate others too.

breakups
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About the Creator

Natasha Olufemi

Natasha loves to write.

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