As one of the only girls in my peer circle, I more often than not, hear a lot of dating horror stories from the guys. Dead-end Tinder conversations, first date fails, one night stand disasters...you name it.
Over the last couple of months, I've been given an insight into their past relationships. The stories I've heard range from one night stands to year long relationships. From scandalous "I've helped a girl cheat on her boyfriend," to "I met this girl online and that was 18 months ago" success stories.
There is, however a little string of similarity that seems to crop up in all of them.
It's the girl.
To put it bluntly, the damsel in distress is an on-going theme that drives these boys nuts. Bring out the big guns. Depression, anxiety, problems at home, problems with the self, and don't forget the daddy issues. Expose any of these to a potential partner, and they'll be throwing on their amour suit on in no time.
Let's take a little step back and clarify some things before I dive in a little deeper. What I'm talking about here is by all means a sensitive topic and undoubtedly will make some teeth grind. What I don't want people to think, is that I'm bashing on some serious issues here and undermining their effects and consequences. Let's make this nice and clear: Depression, along with any kind of mental illness or emotional struggle/ trauma is NO JOKE. Nor should it be treated as such or used as a pity card; But we'll come onto that a little later.
Unfortunately, the ladies I'm talking about today seem to disagree.
Take for instance, the last guy I was seeing. He was still caught up in a bitter argument with an ex, which allowed me to see things from a front row perspective. Things didn't play out for them. The girl in question was fighting an extremely difficult battle with herself and sadly, he was no longer able to help as much as he wish he could have.
What made me arch my eyebrows a little are the acquisitions this girl threw towards him. They went a little like this:
- Why are you liking other girl's photos on Instagram, spending time with other females, commenting on their posts, when you know I have anxiety and self-esteem issues? Do you not care about that?
- You're not giving me enough attention. You know I need constant reassurance, so why are you going out with your friends tonight?
- Why did you have to raise your voice at me? You know I can't handle shouting after my parents split up.
- I only hit you because I was angry. You should know I can't control that. I can't tell when I'm shouting.
The list goes on, but I'll leave it here. What I'm trying to convey is the constant stream of excuses I've been seeing pop out in such relationships. The double standards that are quite frankly, terrifying. We all know that a man should never hit a woman. But since when is it alright for a woman to claw a man in an argument? Oh right, it's OK because she's depressed.
Hell to the no, girlfriend. The on-going issue here is that some women seem to deem it fit to pray on human emotions such as compassion, pity and the desire to make someone feel better, for their own benefit. In their eyes, it's alright because slapping a label on their forehead that reads "I have issues" seems to make everything okay.
On the one hand, I can see what attracts men to woman that are potentially fragile and may need a support system of sorts to function. In this sense, the man can truly be the knight in shining armour. They can take care of, look out for and support their baby in whatever way necessary. That kind of pure, sincere intention is quite something.
Yet why does it need to be milked into oblivion?
So do us all a favour ladies. Instead of channeling your flaws for the wrong reasons, focus on the good things. Make a man fall in love with your smile, rather than the times it isn't there.