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“I hate being single!” or “Why am I so unlucky in love?” Do these sound familiar? If so, then welcome to Singlehood. I will admit, some people are really unlucky when it comes to love. I have seen it firsthand, but there are those who are still single due to those who are left in the “pool” while others are single due to being their own worst enemy. Then, of course, you have those people who call you “desperate.” Let's get one stereotype cleared up, though: I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate. There's a difference. If you are running from relationship to relationship, then okay, you are desperate, but if you struggling to find someone and you have your standards, you are NOT desperate, you are smart.
This is NOT for those people. The ones who are smart enough to take a step back, look at the situation, and go slow into finding someone to have a real relationship with, instead of rushing themselves to the altar.
This is for those who are sabotaging any chance they get at having a relationship. There are 15 good reasons why you are still single and in this short series, I will name them all.
Let's start off small with these five:
1. You have annoying habits that scare people away.
We all know someone who has this annoying habit of talking with food in their mouth. We all also know someone who is obsessed with their Blackberry or iPhone. You interrupt people while they are talking to talk about something else, or you just talk on and on was another relationship breaker that was mentioned. Other annoying habits that scare people away that were mentioned by people were not being given space and always feeling like they're smothered. Everyone needs space. In order to keep a relationship fresh, and keep someone interested, it's important to remember that everyone needs down time.
2. You don't pay attention and constantly make the other person repeat.
It doesn't cost anything to pay attention. If someone is talking to you and you are too busy doing something else, what does that say about how you value the other person? We, as a society, need to learn to listen better. Most people just listen for the cue to when it's their turn to speak, they don't actually listen to what is being said. Focus on what exactly someone is saying, not just on the fact that their mouth is moving. Communication is key to any relationship, and part of that is listening to what others are saying.
3. Loyalty, Honest, & Trust Issues
Let me give you the straight definition of each term. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, along with the absence of lying, cheating, or theft. And trust is the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. These three are tied together. When you don't have one in any relationship, you don't have any of them. When you are loyal, you don't cheat. When you have faith that the person you love only loves you, then you have trust. And when you trust someone, you know that they are being fully honest with you about every aspect of the relationship.
4. You constantly talk about your ex or previous relationships non-stop.
I know some ladies who constantly talk about previous relationships as if they are still continuing. When you still have serious baggage, you cannot and SHOULD NOT even start to think about having a new relationship when you aren't even over the previous one. This is a mistake that many single ladies make. They hop into a new relationship, just so they can forget about how “Dave” ripped their heart into a million pieces, or they sleep with the first guy that glances over at them in a bar, restaurant, gym, etc. This is also very “desperate” behavior, which signifies very deep self-worth, self-esteem issues—because when you settle just for “anyone” to get over someone with whom you had an emotional and physical relationship with, you are setting yourself up for an even bigger disaster.
5. You have a negative outlook on life.
Negativity breeds negativity, just like positivity breeds positivity. If you have the “whoa is me” attitude, who wants to be around that and listen to it 24/7? I know that I don't. Who wants to keep hearing how work stinks, how much you wish you would be able to live somewhere else, or how everyone around you is having babies and families but not you? Always see the cup as half-full instead of half-empty. Your self-esteem and emotional strength depends solely on your manner of thinking and how you see things around you.
In the next post, we will deal with oversharing, being unrealistic, and picking the wrong partner.