Why You Should Apologize, Even If You Don't Want To

When you think of apologizing, you think that you're admitting that that person was right and you are wrong. That you're admitting you deserved what was said or done. That you're weak. That you had no right to do or say what you did. But that couldn't be more false.

Here's my story:

My husband was coming home for his father's open-heart surgery from military duty back in October. Much to my surprise, because his mother did not want me to know. He was home for a few days before he had to go back.

The surgery was a success and it was time to take him to the airport. Before leaving, we stopped at his parent's house so he could say goodbye to his father. I had stayed in the vehicle because I was on the phone.

My mother-in-law calmly walked outside, to the opposite side of the car, and started yelling at me. She said things no human should say to another. Things that shouldn't be coming out of a Christian woman's mouth. Cruel, rude, and horrific things were coming out, and it wasn't stopping.

There are, however, two simple sentences, one phrase, that was said that I can't seem to forget. "He doesn't even love you. He told me he wants to shoot you in the head and kill you every night."

Now, she wanted me to apologize for the small two-word sentence I spouted, "[screw] you!" But to boot, my husband agrees, because nobody ever swears at his mother.

How could I apologize for two little words? Words that were deserved. Why doesn't she have to apologize first? What she said was far more cruel and hurtful. Why me? I was just defending myself.

Well, this past Mother's day I decided to apologize. I could've worded it differently, and could've done it a different way. But if I had done it differently she wouldn't have paid attention or even listened to what I had to say (because that's the type of person she is).

Why did I apologize?

My relationship with my husband was failing. I was stressed, couldn't sleep, and couldn't focus. I was becoming ill and depressed. That day kept replaying in my head and I couldn't handle it any longer. I know I am brave and strong and can be the bigger person when I need to be.

I realized having to wait for her to apologize first was destroying me. I needed to do it because I care more about my relationship with my husband than I care about my high and mighty ego. I did what was asked and nothing more.

It's been about a week since I've apologized. I still haven't received forgiveness or an apology. But my relationship is rebuilding itself, I'm healthy, I'm happy, I'm not sleep deprived, and I've never felt better.

Why should you apologize?

Because you are strong and brave. You value relationships more than your ego. It will get better and you will feel better. You are not weak or admitting you are wrong. You are more than the apology. You're not admitting you are wrong.

How do you make an apology?

Well, there are three main parts to an apology:

1. "I'm sorry": should be genuine, with no excuses, no vagueness, no blaming; should have authentic regrets and full responsibility.
2. "It's my fault."
3. "What can I do to make it right?"

You may not get forgiveness right away, or ever. Same goes for an apology that's owed to you. However, you did what was right and what you needed to do. It's left up to that person and if they can't honor that, you don't need that person in your life anyway.

How to apologize:

1. Admit responsibility: "I'm sorry for..."
2. Show empathy.
3. Plan: "Next time I will..."
4. Ask for forgiveness.

"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take that step." -Unknown