Brittany D
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Why Your Man Doesn't Understand Romance...

Does your man just ignore the romance in your life these days? Do you feel like he's happy but you're missing out on your younger days?

Young love...it all starts out so flirtatious, sneaking smiles and kisses secretly behind people's backs. Holding hands at restaurants, stores and out and about. Maybe some of those things have stuck, maybe others haven't. Why? 

It's no secret that men think differently than women do, but how big the difference is will actually shock you. The fact is men are actually wired completely different than women. 

This is where the meat really is; men think differently than women on so many levels. For instance, women are better at organizing situations and looking at the overall outcome of a situation. Women might be better at organizing a business with the outlook of the future in mind, or those high school prom dances that are six months away. Men tend to look more at the moment and the organization involving that. This means they are better at solving things close at hand but have difficulties with future planning. 

On that same note where a woman can control a whole household that is kids, dogs, laundry, cooking, work, friends and family; a man may struggle with juggling two or three of those things. It's got nothing to do with keeping the woman in the kitchen and the man in the business. It's simply how God created us. It is not a bad reflection on a singular person. This is why women and men work so well in pairs. We're literally meant to work this way. 

In terms of relationships, women tend to look towards the future. The problem is they also want the same romance they had in the first part of the relationship. While every relationship varies, and no one relationship is the same, there are a few things that remain true. Much like a long distance road trip if you play your best CDs over and over again, you get sick of the songs. It may take five hours, six hours, or several days but eventually, you don't want to hear those songs anymore. A similar theory can be said about relationships. If you're hugging, kissing, and making love every night, eventually, it's going to get boring or repetitive. 

Men don't consider the same things women do. In fact, a good few men can go without affection for a certain period of time. Men don't need hugs or kisses as often as women do. Every man is different, so like always a conversation should take place between the two of you in regards to your affection needs and wants. Always make it clear to your partner how your feeling and what your needs are. 

As a woman, there are a few things you can do to kick-start the romance again.

1. Be the initiator.

Sometimes work can be exhausting on both sides. You're tired, he's tired but you've still got the gusto. You initiate and take control, show him that you'll do the work from time to time if he will pitch in a little. Be sensitive when you do this though, especially if he's too tired to actually do the deed.

2. Create the romance.

Plan romantic dinners, surprise lunches, put little love notes on lunch bags and coffee cups. If there is a special candy between the two of you leave him one as a surprise. Sometimes he just gets so busy and lost in his own head he forgets what is happening in the outside world.

3. Movies

Snuggle during movies and be okay with just snuggling. Enjoy each other's embrace and have fun watching a good movie.

4. Trade Favors

Make each others' favorite dinners on different nights. Take walks in the park. Cuddle at night and tell him how much you appreciate him and love him.

5. Make things plain and clear.

Men don't understand women's emotions because women tend to internalize while men are usually more vocal with their feelings and respond to verbal cues. Remember that your man is more visually motivated, so if sex is on your dance card tonight make sure he knows that is what is on your mind. It can be complimenting him, undressing in front of him, and being bold and initiating and taking control of the situation.

Your relationship shouldn't be built on sex, but it doesn't mean you can't help your man along with a little translation. He might not realize it's been awhile. Men are usually self-sufficient and solve problems on their own. Do things differently within your comfort zone. Lubricants and massage are a light and easy way to make things a little fun. Pop-rock kisses, licking off whipped cream and different positions can make things a little more interesting than they were.

We are different, but our differences are not good or bad and they don't make us weak or strong. Every individual has talents, and skills that they are good at. Whatever you do, don't make your man feel inadequate, don't insult his manhood and don't make him feel bad for not being romantic. Sometimes you just have to take the reins and guide the horse to water.

Best of Luck! Happy Holidays!

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