Worst Date Ever!

As a child, I thought that when I grew up, I would meet the man of my dreams. Fall madly in love, get married, and settle down. With the white picket fence nonsense. However, I think we all know that fairy tales do not exist or so I quickly discovered after turning 18. Now I’m 28 and still trying to find mister right. Guess it’s safe to say that my taste in men has room for improvement.

My worst date ever occurred when I was 23-years-old. At that point, in my life, I was living with my mother. I had no job and no car. I was a mess and I wanted a boyfriend, but having a few bad relationships under my belt, I had my doubts. My online dating profile didn’t seem to be working either, which I was skeptical about from the beginning but online dating was how my uncle had met his wife so I figured I would give it a shot. Then one day I met this guy named Mike.

Mike only lived maybe 20 to 30 minutes from where I lived. So for a while, we talked and seemed to have quite a lot in common. However, between this class I was taking and his work schedule, we could not make time to meet up. To be honest I think we were both super nervous too because we were both new to the whole online dating situation. I swear I almost had a panic attack at the thought of meeting him. Because I did not know if he was going to look like his picture or not. So I began conversing with another guy named Alex who seemed so nice. And as fate would have it, he was actually in that same class that I was…

So one day after class was over we went out for coffee and a walk in the park. The next day after that Alex sent me a text to ask if we could actually go on a date, because that first time we hung out was more of a friend thing. I agreed and he proceeded to inform me of a party that he was throwing at his place that night. And he wanted me to attend. Of course, I knew there would be drinking so I was nervous because I knew that meant I wouldn’t have a ride home. I was going to be spending the night with him and we basically had just met. Then he said that he would be there to pick me up in a few hours but he was bringing his roommate with him to help find my house because I lived in the middle of nowhere. I was fine with that. And curious to meet his roommate.

When Alex pulled up, I climbed into the back seat without even noticing at first who was riding shotgun. I was honestly kind of annoyed that they were making me ride in the back when I was a special friend, if you catch my drift. But maybe that’s just me. Then I realized who was riding passenger… it was Mike! Mike was Alex’s roommate!

I was mortified. Mike had kept trying to hang out with me, but I had gotten cold feet so I basically had blown him off. I felt so bad but at the same time, I felt that I had made the right decision after seeing them both together. Mike was just not my type but Alex was. That whole car ride, I didn’t say a word. That night, it was a pretty mellow party with just a few close friends of their and a whole lot of margaritas. I drank so many of those but they really loosened up the tension of that embarrassing situation. And then a bottle of Gentleman’s Jack came out; we were all doing shots and dancing.

Then Alex decided against everyone’s oppositions that it would be a good idea to shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt crack. Yep! That happened! Everyone told him not to, but you can’t fix stupid. He ended up having to go to the hospital. The bottle rocket became stuck and burned Alex’s butt; he had 3rd-degree burns. I was not going to go because I was too drunk. He had his one sober friend that was there drive him. Mike said that usually, they have one person stay sober in case of emergency. Oh, and as they were backing out to take Alex to the hospital, I was standing too close to the car talking to Alex; well, they backed over my foot.

So yep, that was the worst date ever. At least that night was a nice night. I was able to sleep in this hammock that was sitting on the front porch.

After that night, I kept seeing Alex for the next three years. Because let's face it, we all do stupid things at one point in our lives. And we all have our off days. Hell, I was even engaged to him for a short time. But I have learned my lesson in regards to online dating. Make sure you really know the person before meeting up. Or you just might find yourself in a sticky situation.