You Can't Make Them Love You

Sadly, you cannot make someone love you no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you change yourself. One sided love is one of the worst things to happen to someone. It leaves us empty and makes us our own worst enemy.

We sit there for days and weeks, months or years trying to figure out what we could have done differently to make them love us. Often times we have a hole in our heart aching in pain and wondering what went wrong. It seems like it will never pass, that we will never once again be whole after having our heart broken, but that is why I am here writing this. I am here to let you know you will once more be complete, with or without someone at your side. These days will pass, because it can’t always rain on us forever.

Most of us do not fear our partner cheating; we fear waking up one day and they no longer love us and leave. My ex-boyfriend once told me after we broke up that he had stopped loving me some time ago and that he knew that he no longer held any love for me. My heart felt like it was going to burst from the pain that swelled in my chest when I heard him tell me that. I almost ripped myself apart trying to figure out when he fell out of love with me, how he fell out of love with me, or what I did to cause it. But I noticed it wasn’t that he fell out of love with me, it was he never truly loved me in the first place. It was not my fault that he couldn’t and never loved me: It was his fault. He was the one who knew he did not love me, he was the one to drag my heart along for so long, and he was the one to cause all this pain. You don’t ever stop loving someone; you might not feel it as strongly over time, but it just doesn’t go away for good.

What you need to do is start to fall in love with yourself, and learn how to love yourself if you don’t already. I am not saying you can’t start dating before you learn how to do so. You can still do it with a partner. What I am saying is that your time and energy is much better off loving yourself and finding yourself. You are worthy of love and kindness; you deserve someone who will love you no matter what happens. Just because one person couldn’t see how amazing you are doesn’t mean you are less of a wonderful person.

It is OK to think about them. The more you try to block it out, the more it will hurt. Embrace it, but do not forget that it was not your fault that it happened. Past memories are bound to pop up even if we do not want them to. Just know that it is OK to miss someone; it is OK to still love them. You just need to keep your distance from them. You already know that even if you could talk them back it just isn’t worth it, it isn’t good enough for you.

You can’t make them love you, but you can love yourself. You are free from it now, so go forth and find happiness in whatever life can offer you. Learn how to be softer with yourself, don't be too harsh on yourself, don’t carry the weight of guilt that isn’t yours to carry.

It will be OK. I promise.