You Don't Know Love until You're in Love

I myself have thought I have been in love many times in my life. Every time I got into a relationship I thought I was in love. That's why whenever I do feel love I tend to question wether I really do or did love that person. Love is a very complicated emotion, not easy like sadness or fear or even hate. Growing up the media pushed onto me as a little girl that I am a damsel in distress and that I need rescuing; my handsome prince will come along and I will fall in love. You can imagine my disappointment when I reached the age of my favourite Disney princesses and still had not felt the feeling of ones true love. Life isn't like the movies and stories you hear a learn to love as you're growing up, and most people, me included learn that the hard way. A friend once told me "You don't know love until you're in love."

I was in a relationship at the time and it scared me more than I care to admit. The relationship I was in was intense. It was the one where I lost my virginity and felt things I never had before. I truly believe that he was my first true love. Things happened, I got my heart broken, which now I am okay with a realise it's just a part of life everyone has to go through. It took me a very long time to get over the pain and heartache caused, but I did. I had a few boyfriends after that and got hurt a few more times, it never gets any easier but you learn to deal with it better and better each time.

After not being in a relationship for a couple months and having a very lets say, eventful December, I decided to turn to Tinder, which I had dabbled with in the past with little to no success, but hey if you don't try you don't get, right? Now if you don't know how Tinder works it is essentially a dating app where you swipe left if you don't like the look of the person and swipe right if you do. Super shallow concept right? But hey we're human beings and lets be real we like to look at someone we are attracted to and if you're not attracted to your partner it's not going to work. So I was on tinder swiping right to the people I thought attractive or nice enough, with an interesting bio section. You do get some pretty hilarious ones sometimes. And of course with all dating apps you get the people who are only interested in sex... I learnt that the hard way. I came across a rather cute looking guy with glasses and a very chill looking dress sense. From his bio I deducted he seemed like a pretty laid back guy so I swiped right. A while later I got a notification on my phone saying I had a match with said guy and a new story started. The story of my now 9 month relationship with my boyfriend. Love at first sight or well message? I'm going to say no, sorry Jake. But he seemed interested, even if I did not. I will admit to acting a bit blunt at first. But we started a relationship and started something new. Something I hadn't felt before.

Safe and loved. I hadn't truly felt both in a relationship, well ever. But with Jake it was different. It was the little things like when we walk he won't let me walk next to the road and the way he looks at me. I call it the Disney look with true admiration and love and utter everything in his eyes. Him holding my hands and having banter, him showing me off and him supporting me with all and any issues I have. Of course it's not always easy and gosh when he told me he loved me, I was petrified, literally stared at him scared and in disbelief. For me, it's easy to say I love you because I fall so hard and fast, sometimes a bit too fast. But hearing it especially when you can tell they mean it, now that is scary.

So yes, when my friend said to me all those years ago" You don't know love until you're in love." She was utterly correct and if she would have said that to me now, I wouldn't even think about it for a second or ponder what is love or if I truly feel it. When you know, you know. And I do.