You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs to Find a Prince, But Love Yourself to Be Found by a King

I met my ex when I was 16 in high school. He was sweet, and all my friends expressed how lucky I was to be dating one of the most popular guys in school. He played sports and did have a lot of friends.

Things at the beginning were very nice, and I, at the time, thought we would grow up and get married. As the years flew by, he started to change, but I later found he put on a show and it wasn't really a change. The first month of dating, he had cheated and lied about the situation. With us not really being exclusive I didn't think much of it and figured it was as he said: a drunken night with an obsessive girl who offered a ride. RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FUCKING FLAG. Being the girl I was, I didn't want girls in school knowing or taking advantage of the situation. Time went on and I was working at a tanning salon. Within the last three years we weren't very physical, but he was going through some mental health problems and I assumed he would get better. Later I found out while I was working one night that he spent the entire day with some girl off Tinder and cheated, picked me up, and acted like nothing had happened. I didn't know at the time, but a series of unfortunate events took place, which led me to this discovery.

His attitude changed and things became very toxic. I could feel the relationship deteriorating. Still, I held on and believed it could work if I made the effort to not nag, bitch, or just be chill.

His job changed and he was going to Sudbury. I thought the space apart would be good so I could focus on myself, and it would be special when we saw each other on weekends. A few months went by and I noticed he was taking his phone on the washroom when he showered, it was on silent, and had a password. I decided to go on his social media, and if a man has a dog, his password is most likely something to do with that dog. I found porn sites, screenshots of other girls' Instagram photos, fake accounts, and worst of all...Tinder.

I quickly messaged each girl that he's not single and deleted them. I don't know why but my anger immediately went towards these girls. Slutty photos and nasty convos. When he got out of the shower, it was a huge argument. A nasty one. I left but came back after the promise of change and that there was no cheating, only conversation. I'M A DUMB FUCK.

Once again, he went to work and I had that woman intuition I could not shake. All his passwords were changed and I once again hacked into his shit feeling pretty good I managed that, but shitty I even had the need to. I went on my MacBook and put in his Apple ID, which linked me to his phone. I have GONE BAD BITCH. I was now receiving his text messages to my Mac. OMFG. Didn't know that did it, but it was a sign. Immediately there was a text asking if she still was "down" to see a movie. I stayed calm and let the conversation play out. "You still need a ride to work?" WHAT THE FUCK. I later came to find out the chick worked at A&W, and he drove his car down and was taking her to work. I couldn't hold it in and sent a text through my Mac. I called him a piece of shit cheating scumbag. GETTING A TEXT FROM YOURSELF with that content...I only wish I saw his face and reaction. His phone shut off so I called her. A Brazilian number I guess? She was in Sudbury for school... She barely spoke English. I asked if they slept together and she didn't understand. I asked if she had sex and DING DING it clicked in. She told me she didn't know so I was pretty understanding.

He changed every single password and swore he didn't cheat. I packed and left. He came home crying and begging for another chance, whatever he could. I felt alone, like I had no where to go so I came back out of comfort. Things were awkward. We had a trip to Niagara Falls and he got drunk one night a few months after and left his phone in the washroom. He and she had been messaging along with other girls from there. His Tinder was full of lies: where he lived down to his favourite food. Awful. I found out and he pulled the mental card. He threatened to kill himself and called his mom, and it was just an ugly night with drama.

Went home and found out he's slept with so many girls. He didn't have a specific type. He was with the Brazilian, an Asian girl, a Black girl, an Italian, a White girl. Skinny or larger, you name it, he had his variety.

All the anger I held was now towards him and how he could lie to so many people. I started to think he had more issues like a sex addict or something, but he was just a pig. That website seemed so easy too... After only two days and a few conversations some chick invited him over. After learning the truth, most of them didn't believe me because he had played me out as the bad guy. He told them I cheated and treated him very bad that I was obsessive and jealous and crazy. WTF? People like him make girls crazy. The anxiety and stress and feeling of rejection that something's wrong with you. It's awful.

I could not even look at him any longer. He swore it had nothing to do with me, but when I refused to stay with him he called me every name in the book and put me down in anyway he could. He blamed me saying if I didn't investigate we would have been fine and that I wasn't supposed to know. At that point it didn't matter what he said or did; I could never go back.

That wasn't love. Love was what I felt at one time and when you love someone, it doesn't cross your mind to betray their trust and sleep with other people.

I realized that. I wanted someone who treated me with respect and I wanted a relationship built on trust. I understood relationships take work but not that kind of work. Relationship's key to success is trust and effort. You can't just get too comfortable and not make an effort to make the relationship exciting. You never want that spark to go. Eventually it does, But it turns into a new spark. It's warm and comfortable and making the relationship special in little ways. You have to accept one another and not sweat the little things.

One of my weaknesses is I don't have a huge group of friends. I tend to be attracted to people who are confident and social. Which balances it out, but when it's guys night I have few selection of whom I want to hangout with. I can't say I don't have much friends, I just am very particular about who I hangout with. I'll go out and socialize but for my girls nights I'm ok with food dates or movies. I'm not much of a drinker but occasionally will have a few beers with my wings. Anyway, you can't get in the way of guy time or girl time. It's separation which gives a break and this is so important to still have friends. That's advice I would give. Make sure you have your special time together and make an effort to once in awhile go out. I know things are expensive but a little coffee date even. But! Never give up friend time because if things don't work out, you'll still have them and they won't feel like it's only when it's convenient for you.

OK, OK, back to the story.

I moved in with my mom; I had lived with my ex for five years. The last year I wouldn't count as I was barely there because he was too busy being a lying, cheating loser :)

At first it was hard, but I had my mom and little sister. My little sister and I are 15 years apart. She slept in my bed and watched movies with me and kept me busy. After being with someone so long, I did try to go out. It wasn't my thing though. I don't like partying each night but I did love to dance! It helped my worries go away. Some nights I cried because I thought everything was my fault. Guys tried to chat me, but I was very specific on who my attention went to.

A year went by and I won't lie, it was a year with no sex. I just wanted my next boyfriend to be the one. Any flaws I personally thought would bug me, I didn't continue a conversation. I stopped looking and started focusing on myself and my happiness. I worked and kept busy.

My relationship with my mother isn't good when we live together. We are two opposite people. She likes to date, and being single dated many and I hated it. I hated it when I was younger and I hate it now. She was pushing me to date people and acted like I was uptight or too good for everyone. I most definitely knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to settle for less. So, to some who don't have morals or standards...perhaps I did come across that way. I just don't believe in hooking up. Call me old-fashioned, but I want to only share my body with someone I see a future with and I think it should be special, that I haven't been with many people.

By reading this, you're probably like this chick is boring, etc... I consider myself classy and I see all the deans that comes along with single life in this generation...so yes. Standards.

During this time I reconnected with a guy on Facebook that used to tan at the salon once in awhile. I always thought he was good looking but he never really talked much at the salon.

I thought I saw him so messaged to see if it was him and to this day he insists I made that up. (I didn't!) LOL.

We both were out of a relationship, his fresher than mine. We talked back and fourth each day after I gave him my number. He actually asked how I was doing and wanted to know how my day was and everything I liked or didn't like.

I decided to go to his house one night with a friend. He was having people over. I won't lie I found him so attractive but so together. He had a place, a vehicle, a job, and wanted a relationship. He knew what he wanted and would not settle for less.

He was a man. I was with a fuck boy before.

The minute I saw him it was sparks and uncontrollable smiling and laughing. We connected and from there have now been together for 8 months.

He encourages me to accomplish my goals. He's so affectionate. He's honest. He's everything I want. I jumped in knowing it starts off this way though so kept my guard up but when they say you'll know. You really do. Its a feeling different than any other. No Bullshit no games just honesty, great sex, and great communication.

Loving myself and not focusing on finding someone allowed opportunity for a relationship because we both wanted the same things but respected each others situations.

If you're unhappy or feel alone because someone acts like you're not good enough, it's not you it's them. You're too good and if you question it, that's not the feeling I'm talking about.