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You Make... Liking You... Easy

I love him but can't tell him yet.

By Andrea CurtisPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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I met my current boyfriend on Tinder back in February of this year. We'll call him Matt for this story. Our first date was at a Buffalo Wild Wings after one of my waitress shift at another restaurant. We hung out a lot the next month or two but since he lived 40 minutes away I did not want to actually commit to a relationship with him. I ended up meeting another guy (let's call him Jerry) who lived in the same town as me and we started dating, which meant Matt was told I didn't want to date him because of distance... but I didn't tell him about Jerry. After a month of dating Jerry, he told me he loved me. I didn't love him so I told him it was too soon for me. He kept telling me and telling me, but I didn't say it back. Before summer break I went on a road trip with him to New Orleans to meet his dad's side of the family. I had a good couple days and realized his family is more fun than he is. He left to Japan from there and I flew back to College Station. When he dropped me off at the airport I accidentally told him I loved him even though I didn't. He spent the whole summer in Tokyo, and it was the toughest time for me because we couldn't talk much with a 14 hour time difference. Matt and I became friends again while Jerry was in Japan. He came over all the time because neither of us were taking classes or working so we would go out to eat or go on short road trips with each other. I still didn't tell Matt about Jerry. One night, Matt and I went to a party with some of my friends, got really drunk, and ended up sleeping with each other (Jerry had given me a sexual pass while he was gone with one condition—that I don't "cheat emotionally"). It happened a couple more times over the summer, and then Jerry invited me to go see him in Tokyo. I was hesitant because I felt like we had drifted apart since we could only talk really late at night or really early in the morning.

He offered to pay for my ticket and I would stay with him, his mom, and his sister for 10 days. I said yes with the thought that seeing him again after two months would rekindle my feelings for him and make me realize he's the one I want to be with. The whole time I was with him, I was thinking about Matt. I texted him any chance I got and I missed him tons. When I left Tokyo Jerry cried, I didn't. I told him I would probably cry when I got on the plane but I didn't. When I got back, Matt picked me up from the airport because he was at his parents' house nearby and he took me to dinner.

That's when I realized: I was more happy with Matt than I was with Jerry. I knew right then and there that I needed to break up with Jerry, but I had just gotten back from an expensive trip that HE PAID FOR and I didn't want to be that girl who breaks up with someone after they spend $2000 on them. I waited two weeks, texting Jerry less and less because I was already over him. Matt and I kept hanging out until he had to go to his new college which is two and a half hours away. When I broke up with Jerry, he was very angry because I told him what had happened. He yelled at me and just kept texting me days after to say how much he hated me and how I was a terrible person for doing that to him. I eventually blocked him because I was tired of him making me feel that way. Matt helped me feel better about myself. He took me for food and got me ice cream, which is my weakness.

Fast forward a month:

Matt is now at school two and a half hours away from me, but it doesn't feel like it. We see each other either every weekend or if he can't take off work then every other weekend. Every morning I wake up to a "Good morning beautiful" text and I go to bed with a "Good night sweet heart" text. Matt makes me so incredibly happy and I feel like I can tell him anything and everything and he will not judge me.

We've been dating for a month now and I want to tell him I love him but from my relationship with Jerry I feel like I can't until like four or five months into the relationship. One time when we were really drunk he told me he loved me, and I said "you're drunk it doesn't count I can't say it back yet." I can see a future with him, something that hasn't happened with any other guy. Matt makes me the happiest girl ever; and I love him for that. Maybe we're still in the honeymoon phase, but I feel like I've been dating him for so much longer. We hung out almost every day during the summer and we became best friends. When he comes over to my apartment, we cook together and walk my dog together and I can really see myself with him in the future. We both feel exactly the same way about each other and

I am amazed that even after spending so much time with each other we aren't tired of each other. Every Sunday that he comes down here we go to BWW and watch football. It has become a tradition that I really enjoy. I love Matt, I'm just too scared to tell him because I don't want to rush into things and ruin them. I know we'll stay together long enough for me to say it it's just so hard not to say it now we're in such a good place.

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