Recently I made a new friend. I was introduced to him through a mutual friend and he’s pretty dang awesome. We’ll call my new friend Carter. Carter is pretty great, we immediately hit it off (I’m pretty sure he hits it off with most people) and we’ve hung out several times in a group and a couple of times just the two of us. I have zero idea if he sees me as anything other than a friend. But that’s not the point of this article. The point of this article is... he’s kind of great on paper, yet I don’t feel anything for him, except that he’s a cool dude. And believe me, “cool dude” basically equates to the friendzone. *For the record I believe the friendzone is when Person A specifically tells Person B how they feel and Person B responds with telling Person A they are such a good friend (cool dude) or they are like a sibling to them* so he’d only end up in the “friendzone” if he expressed romantic interest in me... but I digress.
So why is he so great on paper? Carter has a pretty nice house, a nice car, he’s a fairly attractive kid, and before you think I’m only into material things, he’s smart (from what I’ve gathered), he’s incredibly fun to hang out with, I enjoy his friends, he’s impressively creative and the list could go on. So, I have to ask myself, “Self, why don’t you have a crush on him?” This kid is kind of great on paper, I mean what else could you ask for? Obviously someone that cares about you... did I mention he threw me a birthday party, invites me to parties, and movie nights he’s hosting, and shares my interests?
So again, he’s pretty great. And I am so glad that he entered my life... but only as a friend. What’s wrong with me? Surely I should have a bit of a crush on him, even if I didn’t want to act on it. But nope, nothing. So what is he missing that’s my deal breaker. Is there something missing in our friendship that’s stopping me from developing even a passing crush on him? Some spark that isn’t lighting in our chemistry? Or am I just a broken human being who can’t develop crushes anymore?
Unfortunately I’m leaning towards the latter. The reasoning behind this is that, this isn’t the only kid I know that might be perfect on paper for me. I have a best friend, whom I shall call him Tyler. I’ve known Tyler for years and years and the last few years our friendship has intensified. And by that I mean, we could have let ourselves become “Facebook Friends” whose only interaction was the occasional like or comment on statuses and pictures, but instead we found some common ground (thanks Westside Connection) and we talk probably everyday. Anytime I am in his neck of the woods we get together for drinks or movies or whatever. We even joke about getting married one day and then we get into fake relationship arguments. We try to outdo each other with extravagant cheating accusations and we get into marvelous nothing fights. Also, the Plaza is booked for June. Needless to say, this kid is awesome and I adore him.
Yet someone asked me if I would ever consider dating Tyler for real, and I had to pause and really think about it, as it hadn’t really crossed my mind. After thinking about it for a moment, I came to the conclusion that no, no I wouldn’t consider dating him. We would probably have a pretty good relationship because it would be fun and we have a good friendship, but I don’t think there would be true feelings of love there. Sure, love on a friendship level, but if that were all I wanted out of a relationship then I would be marrying one of my female best friends. Tyler and I would date, and probably never get married because we would both know it’s not supposed to lead to marriage. If we did ever get married, we would probably end up resenting each other because we wouldn’t be fulfilled in the relationship.
There’s something keeping me from liking these guys. So, is there just something missing in the chemistry? Is it just a timing matter and in several years they will be perfect? Or am I just a broken human being who’s destined to end up alone with twelve cats? Either way I’m glad that I’m not trying to force it with either of them just because they fit some imaginary list of the “perfect guy.” The perfect guy can’t conform to some standard that society thinks is what I should have in a partner. The perfect guy should be someone that takes my breath away, someone that I get into real arguments with, someone that stirs something within me and causes me to crush so hard I don’t know if I can be chill around him. That perfect guy will be the most imperfect guy and I won’t care because everything will feel right.