You Won't Believe Me...

Would you? If I sat you down, cozy and warm, with a cup of hot tea... would you believe me? My life story in my short 34 years on this planet isn't all warm and fuzzy (though it could include unicorns, I guess haha). It's not the coming-up typical story. It is more of... climbing my way out of Earth's Hell to get where I am. Could you listen? Let me try to sum of it up...

I am adopted. I was born in Searcy Mental Institution (that is now permanently shut down. Google it. You would be surprised at the history). In what paperwork I can get my hands on, my biological mother was addicted to cocaine, and alcohol, diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic (how much I believe of all of that is a whole other conversation). It states on the paper that Alabama DHR convinced my mother to basically admit she could not take care of me. DHR had called my adoptive mother, and told her I was a "special case" (I still do, and don't know what they meant by that). I started seeing things most others did not by the time I was two. My mom says that at one point, I had over 200 "imaginary" friends.

My first two to three years were spent mostly by being raised by my Godmother and Godfather. My childhood was pretty decent... 34 pageants, and never won anything, gymnastics, dance (where I was told by my ballet teacher, and some students that I would never make it as a ballerina, because I would always be too fat), cheerleading, where I was bullied for being adopted.

My brother and I got our asses beat every time we did something wrong. By the time I was eight, I had glasses, was put on Ritalin for "ADHD," and gained a lot of weight. In my teen years... at 12 the doctor switched me to Dexadrine (still for ADHD). I lost a lot of weight over one summer. By 13, I had anorexia off and on, I was violent, was being molested by a family friend, had started drinking, and taking pills.

My father had cheated on my mother. I like to say she found God, I found the Ouija board lol. I had a friend in school tell me he thought I was a witch, and he might teach me. I had sex voluntarily for the first time at 13, and ran away at one point. By 14, I was a herbologist and Wiccan.

By 14, I was in the principal's office for something, and I was constantly being paddled. I also figured out at 14 that marijuana helped me when nothing else did. I was in counseling, because family members had found out I was being molested, and my dad mainly blamed it on me. The man was never turned in. I was told if I did not act this way, wear this, do this... it would have never happened. I was groomed to believe that this was normal. I was sheltered, and kept under close watch, because girls were not allowed to do what the "good ole boys" did.

By 15, I was smoking cigarettes, weed, drinking when I could, and popping pills... hiding all of it, because I knew I was fucked if I got caught. By 16, I was hell on wheels.

I graduated at 17, which is also when the molestation finally stopped, because I also ran away. At 19, I came up pregnant with my son, and retired. When I had my son, I tried to become Christian again, because everyone convinced me it was best for my son.

By the time he was six months old, I was already in court fighting to keep my son. I was married at 20 to a man who had a gambling habit, and a rage issue (to say the least). He pushed me down a flight of stairs at one point, which I did not know, caused brain damage.

I fought for 11 years for my son. I never abused him, I always made sure he was fed and clothed, but I did have issues of my own (that I didn't see at the time), and everyone convinced me I was crazy/not competent.

Would you believe that this isn't all of it? That I leave some things out for many reasons? Would you believe any of it to be true?

I did not ever have a doctor that believed me, until being re-evaluated in Colorado, a year ago, voluntarily. This will be continued...