Young Love

We’ve all had that boyfriend that we think walks on water. Well mine was my very first. I was just finished my first year in high school. He was going to be a senior. We had a drama class together and I always thought he was so cute. But I also thought that he would never date little girl me. Until one day he messaged me on Twitter. We started talking more and more over summer and he ended up asking me out that summer. We were inseparable and he taught me a lot of things. Like for example hunting. We did a lot of that. Or shooting. Eventually I let him take my virginity, looking back it was a terrible experience. It was in the back of his truck and it was the most painful thing. He wasn’t every gentle either, but I think that was because I had lied to him and told him it wasn’t my first time. I just wanted him to think I was cool or something.

Moving forward to the end of the year we had sex religiously like clockwork everyday. He was the love of my life. My very first (almost) everything. An older boy, I thought he was god sent. We ended up having a talk and he and I agreed I should get on birth control, I set up an appointment for my older cousin to take me. The day arrives, February 17th. The day before my 16th birthday and I’m at my appointment. Well it turns out they can’t put me birth control because I’m already pregnant. Me, being a 15 year old girl, is freaking out. I don’t know what to do or even how to tell my boyfriend. I get home and I call him and tell him everything. He picks me up the next day so we can talk. I’m in his all too famous truck and he tells me I have to “get rid of it.” I think he could tell by the expression on my face that I didn’t understand. So he elaborated. Told me what it was and how to do it and whatnot. But me being me didn’t want to do that. Killing my own baby, but him being him and knowing I would do anything for him says, “If you don't get an abortion I won’t be with you. Kill it and I will stay with you.” Of course in my 15 year old little mind, I didn’t even have to think who to chose over who. This thing in my stomach or my boyfriend, who I thought was the love of my life, that we were going to spend forever together. I thought he walked on water and that he was god sent. Of course I would do whatever he said.

So I make an appointment & the day arrives. March 3rd. My cousin takes me and it was the longest day of my life. I end up having it done. The scariest most traumatic process I have ever been through. And my grandma finds out. She is heartbroken that I would do such a thing and that I didn’t come to her. It really was a big ordeal between me and her. I instantly hated the decision I made. Fast forward to the next day. I end up going to school, which is the worst idea; my body was all messed up and not functioning right, but me being me HAD to see my boyfriend. He picks me up and we drive to school without saying much. We get to school park and he starts talking. A lot. He breaks up with me. March 4th. In his all too famous truck. For his ex-girlfriend. He leaves me on the curb crying the day after I aborted our child. Just like that. Like it was nothing. My heart broke into a million pieces. I don’t think I could ever recover from that. I still haven’t and it’s been about 4 years. The issues and problems he planted in me about love and children will always be deep routed. After that day I was never the same.