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Your Curse

INH

By Steph SinclairPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I don’t quite understand how you have scarred me so deeply, that even after years of having not thought of you and it has been so long that I can no longer remember what your face or voice were like, it feels extremely odd to have but one small mention of you break me so wholly. How, may I ask, am I ever supposed to lead a life of my own, when you have left such a dark spot upon my soul? Or am I never to let you leave me and to let you live my life for me? Was that your plan all along that you would fix me, let me think I was okay, and then the minute I wasn’t, I would be made to give my life to you, as your own to lead as you wish? In order for me to repent and be forgiven for showing the cracks in your work, my soul would be yours? The moment I decided to let the cracks show and let anything that wasn’t by your design and perfect take over me, you had to claim my existence as yours? So you could have nothing but the shell of my body, the hollow remnant of my existence, for your own to play with and control as you please for all of time. It’s been so long I don’t know if you’re still alive and yet your evil still lives on in me, controlling me, making my life yours, allowing you to preserve your mark on this world. It lives in me making sure that the whole world will know and remember your evil.

Yet when I saw the signs of your evil and knew what they were capable of, I ignored them, let them grow and fester until they and you consumed my life. I let you in and trusted you to show how wrong I was for doubting your goodness. I let you hurt me and when you were done, I believed that I had been in control. And when all was done and the dust had settled I had thought that because I had been so in control of what had happened I thought, it would take time, and soon I would be fine. The pain would go, you would go and yet years later you and the pain you created is still here and as fresh as ever. When will I be suitable enough to finally live my life free of you? You made me feel as though could never be whole if I didn’t have you in my life. You will be pleased to know how well it worked, I’m breaking, and I’m forgetting how good I am without you. The light I have and have had since you is blurring into the darkness. Getting lost in the web of lies your evil is weaving in my memory is a life that has been nothing but heartache and hurt with you no longer a part of. Making me believe that I should seek you, give you the opportunity to check in on your curse, and make it a deeper part of me. It weaves lie that make me want you back in my life. Making me crave the way you made me feel special, crave the way you hurt me. And I’m wondering where you are, and how I screwed up so badly that you are no longer here with me. It, somehow after all that has happened, feels wrong that you’re not here with me. And somehow your poison has convinced me that it’s my fault and that I am flawed because I lost you in my life, and your pull in my memory has me thinking that there is something horribly wrong with to have caused you to have left me.

When in truth and I’m so much better off without you, and your leaving is not my fault and was actually the best thing that could have ever happened to me. And I know, it must have been your plan that I would feel this way, as though I had done something wrong because if it worked that meant that I would stay yours forever but the realization that that is what you intended has set my soul free. I know the truth now and I see through your lies and those that my mind wove under your curse. It was by your design that I wallow and stay hidden away forever yours. It was your plan the entire time we knew each other, our relationship, even before, hello was your grooming me to stay under your control and to yearn for you no matter what and for a while, it might have worked but I am no longer yours and know this I never will be again.

But all this makes me wonder, would you ever come back? Could you love me now, knowing that I am nothing but a shell, not entirely sure of who I am? I must know was this worth it for you? Did you get what you want, have I paid my dues, can I be free now? Will this truly be good-bye? If not I wonder how long until we meet again, Stephen.

breakups
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About the Creator

Steph Sinclair

A young poet.

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