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Let me start off by saying that I do not believe that guys and girls can’t be friends. Some of my best friends are guys, and they can be great when it comes to navigating life and dating. That being said, we all know about that other kind of “best friend” who seems to always be lurking in the background waiting to steal your man away. This story is going to be about that girl. Do not think for one second, we don’t see you for what you are, and we know what you’re all about.
So, you’ve started dating. This really great guy, things are blissful, and now he wants you to meet his best friend. But it’s not a male best friend, it’s a female best friend. Nonetheless you’re excited to meet someone close to him, up until you meet her and you see that look in her eye when she meets you. You know the look—it’s not the first time you’ve seen it. You automatically get that feeling in your gut, the one that just makes you sick to your stomach you don’t know what to do with yourself. Then there is definitively a sharp gaze matched with a fake smile, and that often overly enthusiastic greeting with, “I’ve heard so much about you!” At this point, you’re wondering if you’re just being jealous. You could be. Maybe you just need to get to know her more, right? So you ignore your gut, even though it keeps eating at you.
As the day goes on, you begin to notice other little things about her. The feeling in your gut gets more intense, it starts filtering through your entire body. She tends to agree with everything that he says. She’s constantly touching him in a seemingly friendly fashion, if not for the fact that her hand is literally on his shoulder, arm, or back every five minutes. Then they seem to disappear together for increasing longer periods of time together while you’re left by your lonesome for what seems like hours on end. And then, there’s the way that she regards you. It’s like she’s trying to be friendly, but she can’t help but undermine you at every turn. If he disagrees with you, she’s making faces and backing him up immediately. Telling you how he wants things. Then when he leaves the room she takes fake jabs at him attempting to see if you’ll talk crap back about him, which she’ll later run back and tell your man. There are also the times when she just has to have that heart to heart with you like she is somehow trying to protect you, and tells you how his culture treats women, and you should run now before it’s too late. And of course she’ll continue to consistently draw his attention to their own old memories and fun times. Whenever you try to add anything or join in on the fun, she gives you this awkward look like you’re intruding, and he’s basically her man while you're just something that won’t last, then add on some passively disagreeing with basically everything that you say to some extent, even though it’s disguised as “just her opinion” and now you know what kind of “best friend” she is. She’s the kind of best friend who is after your man, already slept with him, is completely obsessed with him, will do whatever it is to get his attention, make him feel bad for her in anyway she can, will try to lure him with money, constantly takes nonchalant jabs at you and your character, and POINT BLANK DOES NOT WANT YOU IN HIS LIFE.
Now, after you’ve fought off the urge to want to fight this girl and tell her how it is because you’re above it, you’ve got some things to consider.
Number One: You can either sit your man down and talk with him about it to see if he can’t handle it. Observe his behavior very closely at this point. If he gets quickly irritated by you JUST wanting to just talk about it, then you know right there something is up. You need to proceed from this point with caution.
Number Two: You can talk with her about it and risk whatever comes of that. As just wanting to talk to her draws suspicion, plus whatever you want to discuss, even if it's rainbows and sunshine, she will turn it into dark clouds and thunderstorms.
Number Three: You might end up in the awful situation where she turns him against you with her made up info she got on you somehow.
Number Four: The two of them get together again, and he ends up cheating on you with her whenever is convenient for him which you fear because of the heartache you know that comes from such an incident.
Number Five: You live with this resentment & suspicion towards their relationship that constantly begins bickering between the two of you with the slightest mention of her name.
None of these are ideal situations to be in. For any person involved. The type of person that entertains such behavior, continues to contribute to it by so much as continuing their ”friendship” while knowing your feelings and how it affects you clearly hasn't ever had your feelings in mind, and will continue to allow these types of situations to exist within your relationship with them, as well as future relationships.
Now for the female ”best friend,” she will never know true happiness when it comes to love and relationships with men. This will most likely be a pattern for her throughout her life, continuously playing the role of ”best friend” to men that are generally unobtainable for her any other way.
Nonetheless this is her MO. Her tactic which can be described as predatory (yes like a predator) is tired and obvious. As she tends to find men from her past, in some sort of situation, in need of assistance in the slightest form, she throws out a bone. Once they bite on it, that’s when she goes for it. She is overly generous to the man, helping him with anything you could imagine. Nothing is too big or too small for her. She will go to great lengths to make this man think of her for everything he needs he can not provide for himself or can but doesn’t want to. He will begin to rely on her and will grow fond of her 'til eventually, they sleep together. Once that happens he sees her true colors, and he will wake up. She is controlling, overly clingy, does not truly care for his responsibilities at hand, eventually will guilt trip him for the smallest things, start getting aggressive with him, etc. Embarrassed about the situation he quietly drifts away from it but for social status reasons, he still will refer to her as one of his best homies for fear of embarrassment. Then things can go silent for years, but the moment she finds out that man (her best friend) is in a good relationship and happy, she will reappear like that.
Recognizing that these people and situations do exist is half the battle. Sometimes it just isn’t worth the fight or heartache it's causing you. You know you don't deserve this treatment—no one does. You deserve someone who is completely dedicated to you and you only. Always. No excuses.
It’s times like this when listening to your gut, intuition is essential to your well being, sanity, and heart. Each time you choose to not listen to these naturally-given senses a little bit of it disappears until one day it is gone, and once that happens it’ll take a long time for it to come back and work again, if it even does.