Dylan Balde
Bio
Secretly Dead and Strange, writes for a living. Moonlights as a cat-obsessed dork and innocuously wrapped human nitroglycerin. My life is an everyday Westchester incident. 💀 @dylanbalde
Stories (37/0)
Rian Johnson’s 'Looper' Creates the Most Problematic Time Travel Movie Ever
Looper is my first experience watching a Rian Johnson film, so note that I haven’t seen The Last Jedi, so I don’t know what to expect. Now, I normally take it easy on the criticism when evaluating a time travel movie—mostly because time travel doesn’t even exist in real life, hence almost anything CAN make sense, in that weird, sorta bizarre way—but Looper by far has the most problematic time travel setup (and resolution) I’ve seen in any temporally-involved film since Back to the Future. It’s a little weird seeing two opposing time travel theories bunched together as if they were ever compatible—the parallel worlds theory, and the butterfly effect/one timeline theory—but that’s exactly where the problem lies.
By Dylan Balde5 years ago in Geeks
Anticlimax: A Reunion that Could’ve Been
The other night, I had this oddly photorealistic dream about Ginny and her friends. It was all sorts of terrifying and fascinating, mainly because it felt very real; I actually ended up sleeping in the next morning because of it. I spent the last two days before that imperceptibly looking through their recent vacation photos in Japan so I guess it was bound to happen eventually... or perhaps it was just the usual gnawing guilt and self-hatred visibly manifesting themselves all over again, accompanied by the painful reminder that I was truly my “father’s” demon spawn of a daughter and an awful, awful human being. I’ve made nasty mistakes, brutally hurt loved ones, and this dream seemed to be my mind’s unconscious attempt to help me fix them.
By Dylan Balde5 years ago in Humans
First Blood: The Type Of Separation Anxiety No One Needs (Or Deserves)
The sight out my bedroom that morning looked spectacular. The sun was just beginning to rise and the sky was a soft orange hue, flecked here and there with yellow and blue paint streaks, like pastel colors or my favorite crayon set strewn across the cosmos. I smiled looking out, and excitedly thought about how it was the perfect day to go on an adventure—at least so I thought.
By Dylan Balde6 years ago in Families
Brutes
“Seph!” Ross rang her doorbell repeatedly in a furious rage. “Open the door, Seph!” When there was no answer, Ross resorted to banging on the door. He couldn’t wait. He’d been waiting and trying and failing miserably for almost two years now, and finally he knew why.
By Dylan Balde6 years ago in Humans
Is Goku Being Set up to One Day Become a God of Destruction Based on Recent ‘Dragon Ball Super’ Chapters?
Ever since Goku achieved god form in the first arc of Dragon Ball Super, his power has increased exponentially; however, it was never clear how much of the divine he has been able to take on. Is he now capable of obliterating entire planets with a single thought? Is he omniscient? Is he now more powerful than any Kai in existence? On par with most Gods of Destruction? What can he do as a god, exactly? Which part of him is divine? Is he now capable of doing things only a real god can do? Or is he just stronger than your regular strong guy? Not a god at all, just similar to a god?
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Futurism
4 Actors Who Would Have Been Perfect As Light Yagami in a North American Version of “Death Note”
#DeathNote revolves around the tragic fate, rise and fall, of #LightYagami, a young man in his late teens who happened to chance upon a special notebook with the power to kill; with just a few words, a face in mind, and a name, Light uses the notebook, or the shinigamis’ “death note,” to abruptly change the world order, by eliminating all existing criminal elements in societies worldwide at his sole discretion, and wiping out everyone else—guilty or innocent—who have chosen to stand against him with absolute impunity, thereby effectively forcing his personal brand of justice on the world and elevating himself to something akin to the level of a mortal God.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Geeks
Will an Invincible Frieza Become the New Villain of ‘Dragon Ball Super’?
We saw it happen before: a cruel, bloodthirsty tyrant with a twisted understanding of right and wrong gets ahold of the Super Dragon Balls and wishes himself immortal. The other version of him switches bodies with Son Goku and eliminates the real Kakarot, along with several of his loved ones. Both entities then proceed to obliterate every human being on the face of the universe, gods and extraterrestrials included.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Futurism
Universe 7 Plans to Resurrect at Least One Fallen Universe With the Super Dragon Balls
Several hundred episodes ago, Goku proposed the idea of a universe-wide tournament to the King of All, and he agreed — with a price. In exchange for the opportunity to battle more powerful fighters, all participating universes would have to risk total annihilation: the losers will be erased from existence, while the winner will be saved and granted one wish. Since then, Gohan's reverted to his Ultimate form, Android 17 was revealed to be alive and good, and Goku unexpectedly recruited Frieza. The show finally introduced female Saiyans (and later Super Saiyans!) as well, in the form of Caulifla and Kale from Universe 6. The meeker Kale is Broly’s equivalent from Champa’s universe.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Futurism
Second ‘Punisher’ Trailer Teases Possible Romance Between Frank and Karen
Karen Page has always had a soft spot for New York’s mad and weary. For most of her Netflix stint, she’s been low-key in love with Matthew Murdock — pro bono lawyer by day, skull-cracking Daredevil by night. She's also a known sympathizer of tireless vigilantes, having been saved by the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen at least five times (once as Matt Murdock during the assault at the DA’s office) and by The #Punisher at least thrice.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Geeks
‘Game Of Thrones’ Actress Sophie Turner and Singer Joe Jonas Announce Engagement
Early yesterday morning, actress Sophie Turner unveiled a surprise sweeter than Sansa’s onscreen revenge — a pear-shaped diamond ring and two very happy hands. DNCE frontman Joe Jonas (famously known for being the middle member of the Jonas Brothers band) just proposed to one of our favorite Starks!
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Geeks
Divine’s the Limit: Goku Temporarily Surpasses Most Gods of Destruction With Newest Form
Previously dubbed “Limit Breaker,” or the ultimate Saiyan form, “Ultra Instinct” is the latest of Goku’s many transformations. The form has been much-anticipated by fans since episode descriptions were leaked, and relentlessly teased by Toei since the first promotional artwork was released. Fans speculated on the nature of this new form: is it another Super Saiyan transformation? Is it achievable through training or anger? Or both? The answer, it seems, is neither.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Futurism
Baywhat? Zac Efron Wants To Film A Gay Sex Scene With Who?
Throughout the course of his career, we have witnessed Zac Efron transition from awkward teen heartthrob to box office beefcake in only a few several years. He has been matched with at least a dozen ladies (probably more off-screen), easily solidifying his reputation as one of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors.
By Dylan Balde7 years ago in Geeks