Becoming a Mistress

I can honestly say that I never expected to become what may be known as a 'Mistress,' I still believe that I retain high morales when it comes to relationships and how to behave... most of the time.

I am truly not proud of how it started, at all. It was just before Christmas 2016, and was in one of my usual low points — of complete despair, all I could think about was him and it absolutely killed me inside to see him with someone else. I would say it started when we first had sex, December 21st 2016, when his daughter was just around two months old, I was told that he currently wasn't with the mother of his child (his girlfriend) but that turned out to be a lie, as I was checking social media on Christmas Day and came across a picture of the two of them with their child. I was genuinely heartbroken, we talked about it and I left it for a while, we started talking again in the summer, but that just ended as Autumn started.

Fast forward to February 2018, and I finally told someone. I was getting ready in the morning and was on the phone to a close, new friend that lives in a different town and hadn't ever met anyone involved, she was actually shocked and to my sheer amazement, I confessed that I still loved them. In a moment of complete disbelief, I regained contact with him and started talking to him again. At this moment in time, I'm fully dug into a hole of lies and completely immoral behaviour, we've started meeting on the weekends, usually just to have sex, we've deleted each other from all social media (so know one suspects anything) and changed each other's names in our phones. There are times when I feel some form of guilt towards the whole situation, like I'm taking someone away from a young mother and child just for my own personal gain, but then I literally just think "fuck it," because the girlfriend is actually a horrible person and I'm not just saying that because I'm sleeping with her boyfriend — she's genuinely an awful person.

I suppose there are extreme highs and lows from this whole situation, I mean when it's good — it's very, very good, it's exciting and fun and everything you'd want it to be, I think I genuinely love him and I think they do to. Which brings me onto the low points, it's all well and good whilst they're there, but they can't stay forever, every article I've read has said that the first rule of being a mistress is to never fall in love, but that ship sailed long before this even started. I can already hear you, "well, if they actually loved you, they'd just leave there girlfriend for you?" Well, it truly isn't that simple, not only does he have a young child, but I'm also a boy and he's never public been with another boy before and I've never asked but I'm sure that's terrifying, I mean I'm scared, if this ever goes public or gets out — everyone is going to hate me, they're going to call me a "desperate, homewrecker" and I'll probably never be able to leave the house again. Coming from someone who already had abandonment issues, when they leave, it's the hardest thing in the world, I couldn't come to describe the feeling of when your sitting alone and the person you love is at home with his own family, maybe I deserve everything I get, but I don't think it's a crime to act on how you feel, I'm really not sure what I'm doing anymore — I guess I'm just gonna make it up as I go along and hope for the best.