Breakups Are Normal

I'm going to tell you something that doesn't get said very often these days, breakups are normal. Yes, you read that correctly, breakups are completely normal. There's no shame in going through a breakup. However, in a lot of places, it's still taboo to talk about heartbreak openly or to express how much pain or grief you're feeling at the end of a relationship. In some cases, it's even seen as a weakness.

Depending on where you live, you might feel more or less free to talk about your breakup openly and honestly. This is one of the reasons I write these pieces for you and speak about heartbreak openly and honestly. I think part of the pain of a heartbreak, is just the shame and embarrassment that can go along with it. But, going through a breakup is one of the oldest, most common human experiences. It happens to everyone who is putting themselves out there. Which means it happens to almost everyone. Unless you completely close yourself off from human connection, you're at the risk of heartbreak.

A breakup can happen to anyone regardless of how they look, how old they are, how much money they make, how nice they are, how smart, insert whatever trait you want. Heartbreak truly levels the playing field.

I think sometimes we're surprised and almost fascinated to see a celebrity going through a breakup. How could someone break up with a world-famous musician who's on the cover of every magazine? Well, it happens because it's totally normal for a relationship to end; and there's nothing embarrassing about it. It doesn't always feel like this though, especially if this is one of your first relationships to end; but it is normal for a relationship to have a beginning, middle, and end. It is actually more of an exception when a romantic relationship lasts for a lifetime.

We always hear about the person who married their high school sweetheart and is living happily ever after. And while these types of scenarios do exist, it is a rare sight to see a couple get it right the first time.

Now, I'm not trying to discredit anyone who has, indeed, found their happily ever after with the first person they've met. All I'm saying is that these people were lucky to have found what they were looking for in a partner the first time.

For most people, it takes many relationships and breakups to get a clear picture of what they're looking for and to learn enough about themselves and grow enough where they can sustain a long-term commitment with someone.

One point I'd like to make clear to you is this:

• A relationship is not a failure if it ended.
• Each relationship we get into teaches us something.
• Each breakup we endure teaches us something.
• Even the periods in between, where we are on our own, teach us something as well.

We tend to focus on the length of a relationship in months, or years, as a measure of how successful it was; but that really limits you. Instead, I want you to consider another metric of success for a relationship.

• How much did you learn about yourself?
• How much did you learn about love?
• What did the other person teach you about life?
• In what ways did you grow?

These are the things that you can take away from a relationship and build on. If you simply mark a relationship as a failure, just based on the fact that the relationship ended, that is a very limited way of thinking and you're missing an enormous opportunity for growth in your life.

Write these questions down in a journal, and really think about everything that happened during your time in your relationship. Before long, you will be able to identify what each relationship has taught you. You will slowly begin to heal, and the pain of your heartbreak will slowly fade as you take positive steps forward in your life.