Divorce!

DIVORCE! It is the dirtiest word in a marriage. Nobody wants to say it and nobody wants to hear it. That is unless you are not either one of the couples getting a divorce. If you are not married, sometimes a divorce can be a good word, a bad word and, on rare occasions, both.

First of all, I have NEVER been married. I don't know what it even feels like. I met a very lovely lady and the very STUPID me never told her how much I loved her and how much I wanted to marry her. I did manage to get the strength to tell her... almost ten years after she died. What a putz I was. At least I said something, but my timing stunk.

That brings me to divorce. I have many friends from high school. I would say that some 90 to 95% of them are married and I am honestly happy for them. They are the model for excellent marriages. I usually refer to them all as newlyweds because that is how they act. They love each other and treat each other with such respect that I can't even describe it here. That is why I am so happy for them. I can easily see that "divorce" will never be a part of their marriage vocabulary.

I am a 60+ single, black man living the high life (?) in New York City. At my age, I decided that I will just do my daily activities: breathe, sleep, eat, work for money and dignity—and then wait for the Grim Reaper to come calling on me. I rarely entertain the thought of socializing anymore. It repulses me. When I was younger, I depended on knowing many people. Now, I don't even like crowds. I freak out in a rush hour subway. I just don't like being around a whole lot of people. I've changed. I am more of a selective hermit. I will go out to see who I want to see and no one else. Dating is not an option anymore. That requires me meeting someone and getting to know them. Knowing them is like a treasure hunt. You have to constantly dig and dig and dig just to find out what they are like. I have no time for that. I need to know them right away before the Reaper hops into an Uber car headed to my neighborhood.

That is the beauty of meeting a divorcee. You won't spend much time getting to know her. She won't be superficial because she comes damaged. Depending on the situation, she has been hurt. Perhaps, he assaulted her. Perhaps, he cheated on her. Perhaps, he just got sick and tired of her and walked away. I am sure that there are other reasons. MAYBE, she is the one who threw in the towel for the same reasons. Maybe she cheated on him or assaulted him or just got sick and tired of the face she used to kiss. Anything is possible. Most of the time, I meet women who have been hurt. Once she mentions that she has been hurt by a divorce, the first thing that I see that she needs is trust. I want them to know that I will not cheat on them or hit them. I won't get tired of them because 99.99999% of the time, I am the one who took an interest in them. Yes, I made the first move. I told you that I am very selective.

I found that the few divorced ladies I have met are very honest. They will usually say that they like me, but they won't say the other "L" word just yet. Why? Because they don't know me just yet and I am still trying to learn about them as well. But the REAL other reason why they won't use the other "L" word just yet even after a few dates is that she still has feelings for HIM. That is okay. I can understand and respect that. Remember, he hurt her. She may really want to get back with him, but she went out with me to get her mind off it for a time. That is okay. I suppose that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have done the same, too.

What makes a divorcee so attractive to me? It is because she is just there. Most of the divorcees I meet are very nice. They want to talk. They want someone to help deal with her pain. She needs a friend, a confidante, someone who may not have any answers, but will listen to her. That is what I do best. I have no answers, but I can and will listen. She needs to know that above everything else.

Does this make me a pig? I hope not. Above everything else, I try to be a friend. I see things differently. I am not married. I lost my chance at permanent happiness back in 2008. I swore that if I got another chance, I would jump at it. If a lady is divorced or even widowed, I would jump at the opportunity to make her happy because she would make me happy as well. So, if some guy is foolish enough to let his lady walk away or he decides to push her away, I am always around.

I will always love her no matter what.

Somewhere out there could be the lady for me.