Girl Talk

I previously left off with my lunch date with Eli...

After I questioned his age and not really pushing it, even though I wasn't sure he was being completely honest, we continued to have interesting conversations and enjoyed each others company. We were having such a good time that we didn't want to end our date just yet. So, we decided to go out for a walk before we called it a day. We decided to just walk into a mall near the café, but we had to drive there as it was on the other side of the highway, and yes dumb me got inside his car with this gut feeling that he might be hiding something—not even thinking he can potentially kidnap me right there and then. We made it to the mall and we had a great time. It lasted for a few minutes before the physical tensions got to us. We started holding hands and wanting to kiss, but he was too tall and PDA is really not my thing.

We decided to head back and call it a day, but once we got in his car to return back to the café where my car was, we couldn't help but to start making out. Yes, it is still somewhat PDA, but no one was watching, at least I didn't notice anyone looking. It was getting pretty heated and I had to immediately abort that plane before anything serious happened in the front seat of a car at a mall's parking lot. We got back to where my car was and said our good nights, but not before we planned to meet for a second date. We had talked for a few more days before we went on our second date which was just a movie date, nothing special, but the kicker was for the third time we met. Around the time we both had basically the whole day off, I just had a morning class and we decided to hang out at his place, and no he did not live by himself, but it was just him that day. I honestly wasn't expecting anything serious to go down, but any girl besides me would've seen the obvious coming. I arrived at his house. He had made a chai tea latte for me, my favorite tea.

We headed up to his bedroom where he showed me a few of his book collections in Buddhism that we had previously talked about, and then we got into bed and started making out. Back then I was just thinking this is all its going to be, a make-out session, nothing more. I've never been in a situation like that before where I was making out in a bed with a guy, so I had no clue how my body would just feel and surrender to every single touch. Next thing I knew our clothes were off. We continue to make out—again, I'm thinking that's how far it was going to get, but NOPE his hands started slowly tracing up my inner thigh and that's where I was like, "Okay, things are getting serious." I stopped him immediately and told him, "I wasn't ready that I was a still a virgin," he was a total gentleman and understood me, but a few minutes after still making out, I gave in. I knew it was definitely way too soon, with a guy I barely knew, but the moment felt right, my body felt right, and was craving it, I mean I waited that long.

I never really started discovering my body by masturbating until that same year, a few days before my 18th birthday. So you can understand why I wanted to just do it. Protection was used, of course, I was being a little carefree, but not irresponsible. The sex wasn't great, at least not for me, it hurt like hell, and I never had an orgasm. I'm sure many women's first time or men's first time wasn't that great either, but at the time I was just questioning the whole thing, just because I didn't enjoy it. I left his house right after, just lying my butt off when he asked me if I had a "good time." On my way home, I was just thinking if that's what sex was going to be like the whole time and questioning my decision that maybe if it was with the right guy, or if I had waited for the perfect time that the experience would've been better, but as we all know now that isn't really true.

Fast forward a few months, the sex did get better, in that it wasn't as painful and terrible as the first time, but he never did really get me to orgasm. I went through a lot of firsts with Eli, our first fight, first time getting in trouble with my parents to be with him, first time trying new things, my first pregnancy scare, my first love, and my first heartbreak. We talked for about a year and we never established if our relationship was official or not, and if you have read my first Girl Talk post, you'll know that whenever I bring this up to the person, we immediately stop talking. With him it was quite different, we would stop talking, but then reconcile a few weeks later. Because he was my first and I had really strong feelings for him, I still decided to give him another chance, far too many honestly. I thought that maybe he would change his mind, that I just need to give it time, sadly that was never the case for us. But a few months before we had called it off completely, the truth started to come out.

We were out on a date, and we were just talking about a friend of mine who was dating a guy much older than she was. And he just blurted out that he is probably older than the guy. Now I always had my suspicions about his age from day one and I never let it go, but at that point, I really didn't care what his age was anymore. WELL, I tell him, "The guy is 28 and she's 19 and you're supposedly 26 now, so you're not older than him," and I just give him this stare like, "You're 26 right?" He just tells me he's actually THIRTY-FREAKING-TWO! And I know I said I didn't really care what his age was, but my God, I was not expecting that number. The highest I was expecting was 28 or 29.

I was honestly in such disbelief that I asked to see his driver's license just to check if he was playing a joke on me, or something. The guy was in fact 32-years-old. Not only that, his name wasn't actually Eli, that was his middle name. Everything from that moment just started making sense as to why he didn't want to be official with me. I didn't make a scene at the restaurant we were in, but my face said it all. I was the one who drove that day and I was honestly thinking of driving off and leaving him there. I didn't leave him there though, I just wanted answers as to why he would lie about his age, and if that was the reason he didn't want us to be official.

He reassured me though that he only lied because he was insecure and didn't want his age to be a factor as to whether or not I wanted to talk to him, and then he promised me he only needed time to determine what we had that it was nothing about the age difference. I believed him, I fell for it like a stupid idiot to then further on have my heart broken. He told me that he didn't want to continue talking to me because, “He felt he needed things that I couldn't give him and that he soon realized that the age difference was an issue." I was completely in shock that after being told that he really wanted to be with me, after I forgave him for lying to me about his age, and still wanting to be with him after the fact, he then decides to have his own realization without taking in consideration how deep my feelings for him already were.

From that day on, I believe I was cursed to have the worst relationships with men. I tried learning from the mistakes I made with this one experience and tried by not repeating it in other occasions, but whatever I do I still end up in the same mess, broken-hearted by a guy that I've talked to for months, cared for, and in the end wasn't even my boyfriend. But things happen for a reason and no one said it would be easy, so I'm just patiently waiting for the "one." The fact that I've already experienced this more than three times, tells me that it is going to be a long road before I get there.

I've got more dating stories to write about. It would be much appreciated if you could tip me and support me in continuing to tell my crazy dating stories, thank you!

*Names have been changed to protect the person's identity.