Gossip, Lies, Truth, and Gospel

Dear Gossips,

Gossip, who doesn’t love good juicy gossip? I am hooked on Ex-Wives of Rock for three reasons, first, those ladies are damn entertaining. Second, I sort of/on the outer echelon of, lived that lifestyle for a hot second, and third, I can’t figure out how to work my DVR to not record it, so I get sucked in when I have a few hours to decompress and watch TV.

Gossip can be fun, I am constantly spotted at the playground with the latest edition of The Globe or The Examiner 'cause I wanna know where Elvis is hanging his hat at these days and if they really threw Camilla in rehab for the 25th time. It’s just good trashy fun.

Until it’s not... I have been hovering like a hummingbird on our dear Governor’s Facebook page, since he’s decided to run for President. He’s a good man, he has done some really great things with our fine state. He has also done some wrong things and I have gladly called him out on that too. There is one particular commenter that keeps posting things to the tune of “Hey Gov, when are all your little infidelities going to see the light of day”—or—“Looks like you're quite the ladies' man” and the like. So I engaged him and asked him for his proof of said indiscretions and he offered up a very slanted story printed by some right-wing machine. I called him on his bullshit story. From my perspective, it sounds like people got the wrong idea about him bringing someone other than his wife to some events and she was getting all this fancy attention and such. Well, if he is smart and his wife is smart, they find someone they trust to go to such shindigs.

Life is busy and you just can’t be everywhere. I got the fine chance to hitchhike with some friends of mine back in the day and I had no problem fightin’ off the ladies in the defense of their amazing wives whom I love to pieces. I got to do some fun stuff and it was a blast! I also had to get a pretty thick skin right quick and learn that people are gonna talk about you. I can assure you to the day I die and testify on all the bibles in the world that those guys were truly just my “big brothers” and I was looking out for them and their beloved wives. I played a part when I was needed and I was glad to do it.

Gossip also sucks when you live in a small town. There is a reason Ms. Lambert and company have written some of the best material revolving around living in a small town. It is gospel and and I’m sure it’s no coincidence their latest offering is called “Interstate Gospel.” Getting back to my story, I am a single mom in a small town. After years of being told “Sorry your lady parts are kaput” and being on semi-functioning birth control I managed to get the gold medal in the “Conception Special Olympics.”

This was promptly brought to my attention when my work pal once said something to the effect of “Uh, Katie why are you barfing so much lately?”

I said, “I don’t know, there must be a stomach bug going around.”

She then said “You don’t get a stomach bug for weeks…”

At that moment I felt like I had just stepped on a shovel and it promptly hit me right upside the head. After work I stopped at the store and picked up 2 of each brand of pregnancy tests.

After my dog woke me up on the floor by licking my face and I looked at all the scattered pregnancy tests, I promptly called up my gyno. “Yeah, so remember when you said this was probably not even a possibility or whatever, well it’s a possibility.” She was just as flabbergasted as me, and after she let me lose my mind, she quietly and calmly set me up an appointment to come see her. The next few weeks were brutal. I ran every scenario I could through my brain. All the pros, cons, all things that should and could go wrong. I had notebooks full, lists full of what I was about to get myself into and then I jumped. I jumped into motherhood with all my heart and soul. Not once do I ever regret my decision. My son is my world, he makes me a better person, he makes me complete. He’s the part that I was missing for a long time.

It’s a hard road, though. I have sworn to secrecy how this little boy came into the world. There are some folks that know the real story. There are some that don’t. Both run their mouths and I’m constantly left to squash out rumors and gossip. It’s an easy job, though, 'cause I know and tell the truth (with names held back for their protection and anonymity). I have nothing to hide, my life is an open book. I’m sure there are plenty of things I did that I’m not proud of, I’m sure I have some skeletons, but hopefully those skeletons know they can either stay in the closet or they can sashay out pretty as a drag queen and I’ll deal with them. I have always lived my life with my heart in the right spot—sure I maybe did some things, that when I was given advice from someone I trusted, it turned me into a disaster. I’m looking specifically at the doctor from a long time ago that didn’t take the time to get to know my situation and instead sent me out the door with a handful of prescriptions for uppers and downers and sidewaysers and sent me out in the world to be an adult. Man, that was a mess... but I learned from it, so I didn’t waste the experience, but it would’ve been better if I had the help I truly needed, instead of the revolving door service I got.

I’m thankful that there are people in my life that stuck by me all this time. I’m sure I was a handful and not always on my best behavior and I’m glad those that stuck through that mess are still here. The best part is my life story is pretty entertaining, if I do say so myself. Now that I’m on the right track, I’m taking my dysfunction all the way to the bank and cash every check gladly.

So, our lesson this week is, there are three sides to every story. Your, theirs, and what really happened. Always take your gossip with a grain of salt, fact check your stuff and here’s a thought don’t lie or try to be someone you’re not. If you follow those rules, I guarantee you can pretty much set the cruise control on life and focus on the scenery. There’s a lot of good scenery out there to be seen too.

Love ya bunches!

Katie