Growth in a Relationship

Let’s face it, no one is perfect. We were all born as babies then as we got older, we absorbed different programs from all areas in life. When we get with someone and decide to be in a relationship with them, we go in with the good things that we contribute in the relationship as well as the baggage that can hold ourselves and our significant others back from becoming the best people that we can be in that relationship. Growing as both individuals and as a couple is a key factor to having a successful and happy relationship.

The Purpose Behind Growth and Self-improvement

As I said before we are not perfect. Therefore when we get into a relationship, one of the main purposes of being in a relationship is to grow and improve one’s self. We learn so much about who we are, what we want, and who we deserve in our lives through being in relationships. Now there are two ways we learn this information. We can learn a lot from karmic relationships or through a soulmate relationship. Through karmic relationships, we go through so much pain and suffering with the other person and from that pain we learn exactly what NOT to do in relationships as well as what to AVOID when we meet certain people in the future. When a person found himself or herself an abusive relationship, with someone who is unfaithful, or always arguing and fighting with their partner, they tend to learn about the weaknesses that they aren’t made aware of. Some of these weaknesses they have been ignoring for a long time until it’s brought up to the surface with a new partner. Through the pain, they gain an experience that taught them to appreciate the good things when they have it and not to tolerate the nonsense when it’s present in their lives. Now during a soulmate relationship, two people may find that they are right for each other and choose to walk down the aisle as husband and wife and have beautiful children later on. However, not all soulmate relationships have this happy ending. Sometimes two people who are good to each other may find out that they are not right for each other. Either they have different lifestyles or they are usually never on the same page with things. This is due usually to the fact that they think differently, act differently and/or have different approaches when it comes to certain situations in life. In this case, each person learns about who they are as individuals and also learn that no one is actually the “bad guy” in the relationship. Sometimes through arguments and disagreements, two good people can find out that they are so different from each other that whatever brought them together in the first place wasn’t strong enough to keep them together. In which case the best move is to end the relationship and just remain good lifelong friends. If children are involved then they just learn to be great co-parents for the sake of raising the children. However, if by any chance a couple chooses to stay together through thick and thin, here are a few tips on how to help each other becoming better individuals than the way you were before you two met.

Helping Your Partner Grow

One sure way to help your partner grow is to point out the things that they can improve on. Now there is a thin line between pointing out an issue and nagging the person about everything that they do. No one wants to feel attacked every time someone opens their mouth to say something. In some cases, people automatically get defensive due to past experiences which makes it difficult to point out to them the things that they need to improve on as they stop listening and immediately respond with a rebuttal or a reason why. Instead of telling them only what they are doing wrong, you can state the issue as something that does not please you and can be changed for the better. Just be sure to include a potential solution to the problem after bringing up the issue. Sometimes you might have certain individuals who will get defensive and argue their case. They may use anything from what they’ve done right in the past to even stating that you yourself have done the exact same thing that caused the issue in the first place only to prove that they are not doing anything wrong in the present moment or to even show that something isn’t their fault. Keep in mind that when someone whom you’re in a relationship with comes to you about something that they do not like about you, it’s important to at least listen carefully to what they’re saying and try to understand where they’re coming from. If you find out that whatever complaint they’ve come up with isn’t something that needs changing or fixing, then this could be a situation where you two are just incompatible. Say for instance you have a goofball friend who likes to pull pranks on people. Now you might find some humor in what your friend does while your partner may find his/her actions annoying or even disrespectful. If your partner confides in you to check your friend every time he/she tries to be a clown around them, however, you find that there’s nothing wrong with your friend’s actions, then you two just might have different taste when it comes to what is funny and different views when it comes to what could be inappropriate. To help your partner grow, it’s important to point out the things you want to see change but be sure to include a solution as well.

Helping Yourself Grow

We learn more about ourselves when we are with other people than we do when we are single. However, self-analyzing isn’t something people do very often. When we’re in a relationship we like to think that we are perfect and that we are the best boyfriend or girlfriend our partner could ever have. The problem with that is we end up trapping ourselves in the illusion that we can never do wrong in the relationship because we are operating at our best. Well everyone does something stupid eventually. If you go an entire year and cannot find one thing that you’re doing wrong in the relationship, then something definitely isn’t right. Some couples can’t even go six months without having a small argument or a fight. Life is an on-going process. A relationship is a journey, not a destination. You are here on earth to learn no matter how old you become. So to say that “I’m doing all the right things," or “I’ve done nothing wrong during the relationship” is just foolishness. Always look at how you can be a better partner in the relationship. Can you be more thoughtful on holidays? Can you be more helpful around the house? Can you show more interest and care in things involving your partner? Paying attention to your partner here and there, as well as actively listening to them, are some of the best ways to improve yourself while being with them. Find ways to do things that will bring you closer to each other. If you are continuously doing the same thing day after day, it will be easy for the relationship to become stagnant and pretty soon life will throw a challenge your way to get you to change up your mindset.

Be better than before.

Throughout life, we learned lessons through karmic relationships and/or soulmate relationships. Either way, we eventually learn that the way we used to do things hasn’t always been the right way. Our relationship partners teach us what to do, what not to do, what to avoid, how to go about doing things differently, and why we need to change how we do things. The most successful relationships are the ones where both individuals learn not just about themselves but also about each other. You can have love for a person but if he/she doesn’t learn to adapt to changes in life by evolving and changing themselves eventually you may find yourself mentally in a different place from them. Life is forever changing and so enjoy it fully. We need to rejoice when times are good and get better with each other when times get tougher.