How I Got Over My Breakup

It was really hard in the beginning. I didn’t have a respectful type of breakup where we both spoke honestly. I was cheated on, and I still don’t even know how long it was going on. It was unexpected. It felt like a nightmare and I would wake up, or that it was the end of the world.

I thought we just had a small argument and that he wasn’t responding to my calls or messages because he needed to cool off. When I did end up meeting him in person, it was when I realized that things were ending. He was adamant on breaking up with me and he had no emotion whatsoever, like our 3-year long relationship meant nothing to him. He told me that he had started to do drugs again, not to mention that there was another girl involved. I had to find out myself that he was staying at her house and lying to his parents, telling them that he was with me. It’s obvious that you can already tell that he was cheating, but I was in such denial for the first two weeks. He told me that he was getting free drugs from her and that he had no feelings for her whatsoever. I believed him and I think he told me all that to manipulate me, though, to keep me on the side once all of this caught up to him. He wanted me as a fall-back. I even thought I could try to remain friends with him, to try to save him from what he was doing. I thought I knew what was best for him, that he was going down a path that was against his morals and his ambitions. I had to realize though that only he can realize that himself and change, and that I did all I could.

It was in the third week that I started the no-contact rule. I already had him blocked on all social media, so I decided to block his phone number, along with his parents and relative who was trying to message me about him. I even had mutual friends that had started to ghost me after the breakup. I felt that they were annoyed with me because they weren’t as understanding of how much it affected me. I decided that I needed to learn how to rely on myself instead, to do things on my own.

In the third week was when I started my journey of self care. I realized that I had dropped 20 pounds in the span of two weeks, which was unhealthy. I started eating healthy, along with exercising (when exercising, your body releases endorphins, which triggers positive feelings) and trying to get more hours at work. I also found myself making new friends and talking to new people. It does help to distract yourself from the situation at hand, but whenever you need to cry, don’t ever feel afraid to. You don’t have to be strong. I found myself trying to hold back my tears often, but in the end, it was just holding me back from recovering. I would have a hard time falling asleep. There was a point where I just couldn’t sleep at all or at most was just a few hours. I wrote about how I felt in a journal, read comics, and watched videos on YouTube to keep me distracted from staying up all night thinking about him. Listening to songs that would remind me of the relationship or songs about breakup/heartbreak was really helpful. It shows that you’re not alone and that other people had, of course, gone through similar situations. In the beginning, I found myself often crying to them, but as of now, listening to those same songs feels bittersweet.

I also realized that I didn’t miss him, I missed the companionship. In a relationship, you get used to relying on the person, because they’re your safe place and once they’re gone, you feel alone. It’s something other people have to realize too. It could’ve been anyone, not just that person. You were fine without that person before you met them, so you will be fine without that person once they’re gone. It took a lot of time for me to realize that, and that’s one of the benefits of the no-contact rule. I had all this time to be focused on myself, and what I wanted to do or goals for the future. It also helps you to see the flaws in the relationship because often after a breakup all you see is the positive things, wondering where things could’ve gone wrong. You’re left wondering things like “what if this didn’t happen?” or “what could I have done to stop this from happening?” It’s not good to think about things out of your control, though. It’s best to know that you did everything you could.

I’m already at week four post-breakup, and I can say that I do not want to be back together with him. I know that I will be paranoid wondering if he will do this again, and that my trust for him is completely gone. It’s already been two weeks since I started the no-contact rule and my friend who ghosted me reached out to ask if I missed him recently, out of nowhere. I found out that he’s apparently no longer with the girl. He’s back at his parents' house, he’s been trying to find out about how I’m doing, saying that he cares about me, and that he wants to be friends. It was also another benefit from the no-contact rule, because once you cut them off completely, they’re going to be curious about what you’re up to. I did respond to her that I don’t want him knowing about how I was doing and at this point I can’t see him as a friend.

When I think about the good points and bad points of the relationship I had with him, it helped me outline the ideal type of person I’d rather be with and of course it’s not him. I can even look back at the memories I had with him and not feel pain from it, and to be honest I still did not delete any of the pictures I have with him.

Everyone copes in different ways and for different amounts of time, but don’t feel afraid or dejected. I hope that my story can provide tips if you’re going through a breakup, or just to show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I would never get over the breakup. I thought it would take me years considering we were almost going to make four years, but I’m glad that I had progressed so much. I only took small steps, thinking that not much would change, but everything is completely different now.

Keep moving.