Lingerie on the First Date

We met at UCLA, our dream school. We were freshman starting a new job, at the on-campus candy shop. Both of us were from rural areas north of Los Angeles and we became fast friends! We were both finding our footing and we did it together. We shared our history from our small towns, we shared our fears of being at such a huge school, and we shared a decent, long lasting friendship.

Despite his gawky, hyper, nature, his personality was super entertaining; we spent hours laughing and dancing in that candy shop! He was awesome, and I was happy he was my friend. UCLA is a big, scary place for a freshman, and he already knew a ton of people! My new friend was lanky, slender, and super tall. Interestingly, he appeared Caucasian; yet, he spoke fluent Spanish. Personally, I didn’t find him attractive because he was like a brother to me.

It turned out, I was in the minority of girls at UCLA. Apparently, my gangly friend was the envy of the female species. Things turned real when he joined the most popular fraternity on campus. This fraternity was known for its after hours, hip hop parties! His popularity skyrocketed! “Good for him” I thought, he deserved it! I remember seeing him at parties walking upstairs with multiple girls throughout the night, and surely, he did not discriminate. It was a killing field. It was as if they were in line waiting for his call to the upper room. Surely, they were not reading books and having iced tea up there! I suppose his green eyes and tall frame superseded the juvenile awkwardness that I saw. Initially, I was appalled by his behavior, but as the years passed, I accepted it. He always treated me with utmost respect and what he did in his spare time was his business.

One night, senior year, we ruminated about our friendship; it had lasted the test of time. We became friends before the craziness of college took over; innocent. He was my best friend. We grew up together! I teased him that he became a dog soon after starting college. He admitted, “You’ve always been the one girl that I couldn’t have.” It was probably true. He leaned to kiss me, but to his dismay, I declined. This rejection may have damaged his ego, but surely the sting was temporary. After graduation, we went our separate ways, I hadn’t seen him since we got our diplomas. 20 years passed since that first year at UCLA.

And, with the advent of social media, we recently reconnected.

We moved quickly from private messages to late night phone conversations. Our chemistry and history made me wonder if he was interested in a relationship. He was still so funny and so engaging. Except now, I added "professional" and "distinguished" to his resume. He was a top executive in the film industry working at a renowned studio. I was impressed, but not surprised. He told me about his travels around the world. He had spent months in Mexico City working with actors and production companies. He’d been to Asia, Europe, and everything in between. That awkward kid was long gone. He had become a successful, impressive man! He was my perfect match! And, the best part of the resume, was that he was single!

We set a date at Bottega Louie. We met at his condo in Venice and drove downtown together. As I rang his doorbell, I felt a rush of nervousness! My mind raced! “What if I was about to be Catfished? What if he looks nothing like his profile pic?” Or, “Could this be my long-lost love? What if I have lipstick on my teeth?!” I took a sec to get it together; good vibes only!

He opened the door. I’ll never forget his big smile, beautiful teeth, and tall stature. Wow! I expected him to look decent, but I had no idea he would turn up like this! His physique had filled out, his juvenile face was replaced with a manly chisel. His dress was sharp, his scent amazing, and his Rolex beaming!

Our hug felt like I was resting my head on a pillow made of clouds. That hug still reels in my mind in slow motion! At dinner, we shared updates on our old college buddies. Everyone was married with kids and we were the minority; singles with no children. He told me of a recent breakup. I told him of my desire for realness, friendship, and compatibility. Our conversation sparked excitement and possibility! We finished each others’ sentences and laughed just like college. We hit it off!

This was turning into a historic date! I drank absinthe for the first time at the Edison. It was Downtown’s first private power plant, and the energy between he and I was flowing freely! The Edison merged past, present, and future, which was exactly what we were doing. We danced, drank, held hands, and had our very first kiss! I should clarify, we had our very first kiss followed by the second, third, fourth, and so on! I felt comfortable with him. I was home with my best friend and we were having a blast!

After last call, we headed back to the valet. I hopped in the car ready to continue this party! Waiting for him, I looked back. He was on the sidewalk, on the phone. “Hurry up! Let’s go!” I teased. He returned and said, “I had to call my roommate to see if it’s okay for us to come over this late.” “What’s that mean? That’s weird,” I thought; but then again, sometimes parking in LA is so inconvenient with roommates. I figured no big deal as we raced down the 10 Freeway!

He invited me in for a drink, or two, or three. His condo was newly remodeled and modern! It was perfect for a single guy, and perfect for our party! We listened to music and drank cocktails. The place appeared to be his and only his. I excused myself to the restroom; after all this excitement, I had to check my makeup! I took my time adjusting my outfit, hair, and lipstick. I heard voices and I was looking forward to meeting his roommate.

I exited the restroom to re-join my party! To my surprise, his “roommate” was standing outside the bathroom, waiting for me. She stood stoic and breathed heavily. She stood with daggers in her eyes. She appeared furious. I immediately felt the wrath of her angry scowl. I reached out my hand and introduced myself. She folded her arms and started crying.

Her violent demeanor was awful, but that wasn’t the worst of it. She was nearly naked, wearing a tiny, leopard printed, black lace, thong teddy. I shuddered in disbelief! Her olive skin looked lovely in the skintight lingerie, but her nude body was more than I had bargained for! I felt a rush of embarrassment and awkwardness.

What did I just walk into?

Dumfounded, I stood traumatized.

He frantically apologized and promised they were not a couple. “She’s a family friend visiting from Mexico!” he declared as she barked at him in Spanish. He ushered her away, arguing non-stop. This night had gone from amazing to bizarre to done! This was clearly over!

Quickly, I gathered my things, pounded my rum and coke, and stepped out of this nightmare. As I left, it all became humorous. “So it goes,” I thought “This is Los Angeles, after all.”

#MyWorstDate