Love You to Death

There were no more Dear Diary entries.

I couldn't write through this pain. I just took my shahada so I couldn't drink or smoke. I was perplexed but I needed an outlet. Screw it, I'm grabbing me a box of milds, I'll repent later.

This man had me tripping and bugged out all at the same time. My emotions were up and down. I could kill him and still accept love from him. But he really had me twisted with these other two wives and these conversations about babies. I'm his home, we are his family. Everything he gets comes to me. He really had me F'd up. I wonder if he'll fight them the same way he fought me in the living room. Hmph! I should wait around and see, laugh in their face, and spit in his later.

"Girl, let me run you this tea that I just got off the stove," she said into the phone. Zarina knew it had to be some mess because Dania never begins her conversations like that.

She sat on the phone, nerves shaking, heart racing, and a mild layer of sweat covered the palms of hands and her phone as she vented to her lifelong friend.

"What makes it sad is that his name might be Taalib and sure he got a bruise on his forehead but who the f**k are you to marry Muslim women and he cant even leave these dunya rabbits and the weed alone. Tell me that. How are you going to sit in the Imaams face knowing that you are still drunk? How are you going to talk to her abu and her brothers but you're all about domestic violence? Explain this to you children, you know the ones that you only see when they are sleep but get mad at them because they're excited to see you. Riddle me that Riri. Oh okay, that's what I thought. I'll wait."

Dania sat there, in her bag of emotions with a half smoked mild in her hand. Her fear of Allah subsided and she hit the mild again. She didnt know what to do. She hated his soul but she couldnt leave him. As she looked at his iPhone and tablet she figured out a plan, and in mid thought she heard Taalib rushing in the house because he left his electronics in the bedroom. She wasn't going to move or hide, she was going to let him see her just as she was.

As he walked through the hall way and peered into the bedroom...

"Nia, what the FU** are you doing?! Wha-why are you in my sh**!"

Dania raised up off of the bed with her mild in one hand and leaving his things and her phone on the bed. Zarina was still on the call. She looked him dead in his eyes, smiled, and blew her smoke out.

"Next time don't leave your bitches so thirsty, they've been barking all night." She walked towards him and ashed her mild right infront of his feet. He looked at her like she was crazy, and she held that same smile on her face.

"Come here, let me tell you something. Do that ish again and by Allah..."

"By Allah what Taa?!" she said as she was walking past him and stop just so that they could be shoulder to shoulder. "By Allah WHAT?!" she yelled. She waited a second and calmly whispered "Don't use religion as a convenience, you aint nothing but a nigga."

He was stuck. He couldn't even react. He felt his body get hot and at this point he couldnt see anything but black. He stood there in his zone, trying not to shove that lit cigar down her throat.

"Did you just try to hold your balls? Did you forget who pays for everything? Huh? You respect me!" He yelled.

"Yea yea, let me go to the bathroom, I'm finished with you and you can show your way out," Dania said.

In just a split second it seemed, Taalib had his foot on the back of Dania's neck. He kicked her in the back of the head and as Dania layed on the hardwood floor half out of it and half silly, she started to giggle. "Oh that's all you got? You still react like a bitch," she laughed and said. "I want a divorce Taalib and I mean it."

"Shut up! You ain't nothing but a bucket and you will never leave me, not that you want to and not that you have to stamina to do it. When I get back, I want you cleaned up and pleasant." Taalib released her neck and walked into the bedroom and picked up her phone first. "Thanks Zarina, I'll be pulling back up soon."