Married Couples Are So Lucky!

As I am writing this, I am looking at the royal wedding of Prince Harry and his beautiful bride Princess Meghan. All the media has prepared and televised the event. I can clearly see that both bride and groom are ecstatic with each other as well as they should be. Even though I do not know either of them, I am very happy for them. I wish them well.

Now, another couple will start a very joyous life together. What does this have to do with me? Read on, my friend.

Well, first of all, none of my married friends have a right to complain. Did you notice the first pronoun I used here? I used "I." It did not say "we" or "us." It was a SINGULAR pronoun. SINGULAR!!! The root word of SINGULAR is SINGLE, as in ALONE and BY YOURSELF. You are no longer single. You are a couple and, despite your complaints which you really don't have, you will always be a couple. We bachelors who are members of the Unhappy Bachelor Club wish that we could be in your spot one day. No, we don't want your wife. We want our own wife. That is why we are a member of this club.

You are probably wondering about the UBC. Okay. fair enough. We don't have meetings. We don't have officers or elections. We don't even know how large our membership is. Sadness is our only dues. We only know that we exist. We are barely aware of each other. Our only membership card is the look on our faces when we see couples at their weddings, holding hands as they walk, kissing at some romantic location or anything else. Even when we go to a drug store shortly before February 14, we can see the married guys who rush in to pick up some St. Valentine's Day candy and a card for their significant other. It's the same rush that we see as we even prepare for the Christmas season.

Married guys, you are not fooling us!

Most married guys try to compensate by looking for a way to equate our sadness with something in their marriage. One friend told me one day, "She snores at night." I responded, "Oh shut up. At least you have a wife. So, she snores. At least you know that she is alive and you sleep next to her because you want to." I wish I had a wife. And if she snored, that would be a non-important issue for me to complain about. The only sound I get at night is the radio next to my bed. Another complaint I once heard was, "She can't cook!" Well, why don't you learn to cook or take a cooking class with her? Take her out more often. Better yet, did you ever wonder WHY she can't (or won't) cook? Wake up and shut up. At least you have someone. Me? I gotta drive my behind to a Burger King once in a while if I want a nice meal or just stay home and whip up a peanut butter and jelly super sandwich.

Ladies, don't get me started. Even your complaints are fruitless. If you have ANY complaints, allow me to remind you of ONE very important detail. You AGREED to marry the guy. It is the same answer I'd give to your hubby if he ever complained about YOU.

Yup. You married couples have a best friend. You have each other. You can share secrets. You don't have to say introductory statements before saying anything. You don't have to wonder about how he or she will take it. You can come right out and say what you want to say with no negative after effects. Even if both of you see things differently, you will always talk things out and work out some sort of agreement. I envy you. You even love each other so much, you know that you would marry each other again and again every day for the rest of your lives together. You can't even imagine your lives without each other. Why? Because you refer to each other as your "significant" other. The word "significant" means IMPORTANT and rightfully so. I wish I had a mate who I could give that title: your "significant" other.

Do you know how to spot a happily married couple? They hold hands to signify that they will not let anything separate them from each other. That is really nice, but it makes me sad. Why? Because I can only hold hands with myself. Do you know what it is called if I am holding a woman's hand? It's called kidnapping!!! Do you know why unhappily married couples fight? They fight because they want to be happy with each other, but they need to work out an issue. I can understand that problem, too. Either way, they are all still couples.

If people saw me arguing, they'd cart me away because I would only be arguing with myself. Do you know what they call a person who argues with himself? The answer is CRAZY!!! So, at times, being single drives me crazy.

Now, if you know me in person, this does not mean that you have my automatic permission to go find a mate for me. Absolutely not! I made the mistake of going out on blind dates when I should have stayed away from them. Why? Because people who set me up on blind dates had set me up with women that THEY thought would be perfect for me, not what I thought would be perfect for me. That is like me making a meal for someone and after they had consumed it, I answered for them by saying it was delicious. How in the world would I know how the meal tasted to them? I wouldn't. I would know how the meal tasted to ME, but I could not answer for someone else. For all I know, the person may be kind and, when I am out of their sight, they may puke up every single particle of the meal. I want someone who I feel would make me happy. And when they show up, I will know. That is another reason why I am jealous of married people. They found the right person and they knew it. They went on dates with each other and fell in love. That is why they married each other.

In my life, my parents were one of the happiest couples I have ever seen. They were married to each other for almost 57 years. It was their only marriage for each of them. Dad died in 2012. One day, about a year after he died, I asked my Mom if she would ever marry again. She emphatically said NO because she felt and stated that no other man could ever replace him. My Mom found happiness again when she rejoined Dad when she died in 2015. I fully understood at that point what it meant to be happily married. I want THAT kind of happiness!!!

In short, if you are married and even if you are experiencing some problems in your holy union, please shut up and consider yourself very lucky. Do all you can to work out your problems together. You have each other. You are each other's best friend in the entire universe. You are soulmates. You have interlocking souls. If you were apart from each other, you'd miss them and you'd be sad until they return. Consider yourself lucky. You had a choice of being happy like you are now or...

... being like me for the rest of your life. I am not happy. :-(