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This is an independent story, I'm not speaking for anyone else’s experiences’ in millennial dating scene without Tinder and whatever other dating apps there are, but this is my personal experience thus far.
So, it all started when I began listening to the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast (which I highly recommend for anyone, it’s amazing, hilarious and very informative for anyone in the dating scene), because honestly I didn't even think dating "in the wild" (aka not on the apps) was an option in this day and age. This changed my perspective.
When I became single in June 2018 after a two year relationship, I was ready. Of course I took the necessary time to gather myself; I did lots of biking, kayaking and exploring the Northern Ontario woods. I also went on a solo camping trip for four days, it was so refreshing, and it gave me the clarity I needed to enter the "dating world" for what felt like the first time in my life.
I was 22 when I met my boyfriend, up until that point I had been single, COMPLETELY and 100% single for my whole life up until that point. I slept with a number of guys through University and College, which I’m glad I did because, hey, it’s out of my system now. During my relationship I grew into a more confident, more driven, assertive me and I was ready to unleash her.
When I got out there, I realized I only knew how to hook up… I don’t know if this is a common issue, but I literally could not express any emotion towards a guy, I was like a stone cold bitch, which I’m not, I’m actually like a cuddly kitten once you get to know me, but this emotionless exterior would take over and kind of ruin any potential I would have had with prospects. I would sleep with them, and literally not be able to do anything other than hook up. I was incapable of expressing any intention of taking the next step, or seeing where things would go, it would go as far as a guy expressing his feelings for me and I would say “I’m not looking for anything serious," like wtf.
Anyways, two guys I had flings with ended up with different girls, because I was incapable of expressing my desire to be more serious.
In Hindsight: I’m really glad, because neither of those guys were anything I can see long term relations with.
I know I suck at this dating thing. But I feel like that was all a learning curve, I literally took all summer to learn what I wanted, how I needed to express myself, and of course get more pointers from my girls on the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast (seriously, look it up).
However, there was one final breaking point though. It was this one 30- year0old guy, he booty called me, which was fine. I needed to get laid, it wasn’t like I was expecting to marry the guy, but I did have high expectations for his sexual performance, because, you know, HE’S 30?!! And let me tell you; he failed horribly. Like the shortest experience ever, not to mention I literally felt nothing sexual, I just felt him trying to pleasure me. It was horrible.
That was it. I drew the line; I took some time away from guys (like a month LOL), I literally wrote down what I want from a guy. I took control of my life once again. I set a rule for myself that I am not going to sleep with anyone until they take me on two dates.
This is something very new to me, because prior to this, sex was sex, I didn’t want the feelings. Just until recently I realized that that was something I have been missing.
Again, I don’t know if it’s just me, but when I “take a step away” from guys, that’s when the guys throw themselves at me. I wouldn’t say I’m a typically good looking or "sexy" woman, but like I have had a constant stream of guys texting me, coming up to me at the bar (where I work as security, so I’m sober, they’re usually drunk), or having co-workers from the bar hitting on me.
I’m not going to lie, I do like the attention, and I am a Leo so I thrive off of it. Anyway, I’ve had guys around for a while, but none have stuck out to me, until recently. A guy I’ve had my eye on at the bar I work at for a while came up to me and asked for my number, asked me on a “shitty date” (aka pizza and ice cream) and honestly, I think that’s exactly what I need. We had our first "sleep over" last night, which I figured he just wanted sex, but he full on said “I don’t have sex on the first date." I was FLOORED, like I’ve never experienced that before.
The moral of the story: I tried, I failed, I failed again, but it was all preparing me for the real world. The universe tossed all these shit guys at me continuously and I stayed sturdy, not strong, but I survived. And now I’m here, talking with probably the most decent guy I’ve ever encountered. I’m not saying I’m going to date him, or marry him, but I am enjoying his company right now and we will see how it goes with my new found knowledge of communication.
This just makes me feel like I’ve beat this level of millennial dating and I’m ready for the future!