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Online Dating

This was a fun one.

Online dating is very popular nowadays and majority of my friends have met their significant other through some dating site. Me on the other hand I get nothing but crazy, hot ass horny mothafuckers looking for one thing and one thing only... SEX! How in heck do I only attract guys who want to just hook up and never actually take me on a damn date?!

I feel as if my online profile is just screaming "HEY COME FUCK ME" even though it's not. I don't post risque photos and I don't mention I enjoy sex or anything along those lines, so I have no idea why guys only hit me up to hook up.

Don't get me wrong, I have met guys from sites that have said they wanted a relationship and wanted to date, but after months of talking it never once led to a date or a commitment. I always get the bullshit excuses like "I'm just not ready to settle down," or, "Why you rushing it, what's the hurry?" or my favorite, "I thought you just wanted to have fun and chill, why put so much pressure on me." As if they totally forgot I said I was looking for a boyfriend. (-_-)

I had this guy on Tinder message me saying "you look like you need to be eaten out"; although he was not wrong, that is so not the line you use to get my attention. Now if he would've had muscles and tattoos I just might've said hell yes come take care of business, but he was a skinny firecrotch; not my style.

This one guy from PoF hit me up saying, "you're hot, I'm hot, lets get married and make hot babies." I was totally down for it but he never responded when I sent him pictures of my wedding dress I picked out. I was totally looking forward to making pretty babies with him. :'(

I thought it was my profile that was the problem, so I had my friends redo it and I still get the shitbags hitting me up. I don't understand how my friends have managed to find someone amazing people from online dating, it's ridiculous.

Then again I will admit I get super bored really fast. You've gotta be on your A game all day every day to keep my attention. I'm like a kid with ADD, I get distracted by other pretty things that come along. This is probably why I've only been in one serious relationship and the rest have been fuckboys that won't commit.

I've learned from my guy friends and watching my female friends get in relationships that if a man really wants you he'll make you his girlfriend within the first two weeks of talking. By two weeks you should know if you enjoy someones company or not, you should know their personality well enough to decide if you wanna continue talking.

I've joined many dating sites from tinder to PoF to Match.com, all failures. Tinder is a pure hookup site and if anyone has found a significant other from that site, it's only because the sex was good. Tinder also has a lot of people soliciting sex and full of spam (I got this info from my guy friends).

PoF is hit or miss; sometimes you get genuine guys looking for a real connection, but they're boring as shit or live too far away. Then you also get your horny local douchebags looking for a hookup but will say any and everything to try and get in your pants. I've met so many guys from PoF and made plans to go on dates and they never show up or never respond to my texts.

Match.com was a waste of time because the guys were looking for serious relationships but didn't know how to hold a damn conversation to save their life! I recall so many messages of just, "hi, how are you, I'm doing well," "How was your day, oh that's cool," "blah, blah, boring bullshit," no connection whatsoever.

I don't understand how anyone can make a connection through a computer or text. I need to be on the phone or in person so I can feel their vibe and see their personality in action. I gotta get a feel for your sense of humor and how you respond to others. I know they say meeting people in a bar is all bad, but I beg to differ. I think people are at their best when they've had a couple drinks in them and they can let loose and be normal.