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"Technically Friends"

Over It

It is what it is.

So, last semester I met a lot more people than the first, I believe, and I made friends with these boys or whatever. One of the boys was attractive to me, but my "friend" had called "dibs" on him first I guess, IDK. I really don't believe in the whole "dibs" thing anymore. I find it childish because it's like if you like someone, & you're single/they're single, then why can't anyone like them!? Anyways, I tried my best to fight back my physical, emotional, and intellectual attraction to this boy but I just could not. He's annoying as IDK what, childish, irritating, and rude, but something about him just drew me in. Like ewhhh what!? I can literally do sooo much better than him but why? Why was I feeling him in this way? Honestly, I low-key felt bad about it because my "friend" really liked him. She just didn't want to admit it. And also, I had some other "thing" going on with another boy, which is another completely different story. But back to what I was saying, I felt things (figuratively), between this boy and I. It was like I knew that deep beneath he's really this sweet person. But due to him being friends with this immature, disrespectful, hopeless romantic kid, it initiated his own immaturity and stupid actions. 

I was technically "friends" with both of the boys, but beneath I really wanted this boy. I wanted him to tell me how he felt about me, if he felt anything, be real with me, instead of always joking around because of his stupid friend, and just... IDK... be mine I guess. 

I feel like I know he really did like me at some point, but at the same time I didn't want to be jumping to conclusions. Regardless of how I felt, he moved on because neither one of us would make a move I guess. Sometimes I wonder if he was making a move, but I was just being oblivious to the fact. In the end we both kind of kept it at a friend zone level. I think that was the fault of both of us but mostly mine because on his end... he ended up getting a girlfriend. 

For starters, I know this girl. We're not friends, we're barely acquaintances, we're more like just nice to each other and know each other because we had a class together. I know some stuff about her because we were like partners in class, but it's more because I don't forget stuff. So I know where she's from, and that she's older and stuff, but I couldn't get past my mind that they'd start dating. Honestly, it was RANDOM! I wished he'd date someone I DIDN'T know, someone his age or younger or something. I feel like it's just so different when a guy dates an older girl because it seems like he has "skills," (IDK how to explain). Like it's sooo AWK seeing them together & having to speak to the both of them because I know them both. Apparently girls don't like when another girl comes up & speaks to their boyfriend, but doesn't speak to them (because they don't know them) & I have no idea what that's like because I'm really just not experienced there. If a boy that my boyfriend knew said hi to my bf & not me, then there wouldn't be any question or concern about that. But why is it such a problem when a girl says hi to the boyfriend & not the girlfriend, even if she doesn't know the girlfriend? Mehhhh. IDK. I guess it's because I may not understand it yet. But I still just don't get it.  

But that's kind of beside the point. I know he very much likes this girl, but I also can't help thinking that he may have had or still have SOMETHING there for me. I still feel stupid though because he probably doesn't. I may just be overthinking and jumping to conclusions. All last semester he asked me to come do his hair. He has very fine hair with loose curls so it was hard to get the style that he wanted. Especially since I was never experienced with it, I didn't know how he wanted it. But I kept trying & I told him what to do to his hair to get it a certain way in order TO be styled, & over the summer he actually listened to me. So when we came back from school, I honestly thought he'd just be with his girlfriend & minding his business, which he was, but he actually is still making time for me. 

This is where we hit awkwarddddd. One time I saw him & his girlfriend walking out of his building, & I said hey to the both of them, gave her a hug(just because I did it to everyone who I haven't seen since last semester). But after I was talking to him, while she was still talking to him, & he was completely ignoring her & talking to me. I'm pretty sure he didn't realize it, & neither did she because she was just smiling & enjoying her time, but he was still talking to me as we were both walking. This seems so lame because I KNOWWWW I'm overthinking this, but that was just one instance. Afterwards, I didn't see him much because since he dates her, we just don't hang out anymore. But, now I see him like every other day because his class is in the same building as mine. One day he just randomly asked me to do his hair again... Y'ALL ... THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIS HAIR! I couldn't help but thinking to myself like, 'Dang boy! What the heck exactly do you want me to do!?' Because he literally did everything that I told him to during the summer & his hair was fine. It was turning out exactly how he wanted it. But why did he want me to do his hair some more!? So anyways, he came over so I could do his hair & I didn't even do much. But once again, I tried. I told him that his hair was already fine (as in done right). But once I was done, he was like "I can't tell the difference." 

And I was like, "Well I can." He insulted me the whole entire time here, and I try to think of stuff like, "Oh. When boys do stuff like that, it's because they like you." But once again, I could be wrong. I actually think it's kind of funny when he says rude stuff to me because it's not even like in an offensive way, it's more so in a "just to bother Eboni" kind of way. But ummm yeah... after I finished his hair, I had to go to class, but he was still here. I'm like 'Okay... so is he gonna leave, or...'  But he like waited for me to like get ready to go to class and then he walked out with me. But we ended up going out two different doors once we got to the entry level of my building. And not to be dramatic or anything... but I feel like that was representation of us both going our separate ways . 

So now you're all caught up. I'm low-key upset that I don't have any answers from him regarding his feelings and whatnot, but as of now I'm just doing my thing & letting him do his thing. I'd never come between him & his girlfriend, I actually think they're cute together. 

I just feel like what could've been... just won't be.

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